Am sick

Am SICK again!! Again!?!?!

Hell! Whats wrong with me?

I curse myself for this. It is really a terrible thing to fall sick, especially during vacations!

I would really appreciate a new body right now. A new nose and throat was what I thought of having once, it is better to get a whole new body once for all. Am I not gona get any discount for that? eh? This one has been worn out! Seriously! I cant hold myself sniffing and sneezing, rolling up my tongue to scratch my sorey throat and palate. Ouch! my aching soul, the feverish chills!! (And, why am I typing so many exclamations today? ergh!)

The day however started well, as I went for shopping today. Oh no! not the girly shopping phuleaaseee?!? That was supposedly a footpath book shopping. LOL! confused? Anyway, I bought bunch of 3 books. Don't ask me what books, because you surely wouldn't like it. Ah! academic books! huh!

Thanks to the books I shopped today, I'm somehow trying to subside my mind. But this isn't working after all; I can't BREATH when I sit in any position and all this while I have drenched my lovely books by spraying snot all over them!

I hate it!

Oscar Wilde said, "Each man kills the thing he loves."

And it's true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the sufferings we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far.
~Paulo Coelho

I know I have been doing this all my life so far. But now, I don't want to kill the feelings I have within, 'cause I know, if I kill them, I might kill myself thereof!

feeling low

And then from time to time, one has to go through a phase of feeling low - sometimes with reason, sometimes for no reason - it just hits you for timepass because “Hey! You’ve had such a long, blemish-less phase of feeling high! Guys let’s get her!”

‘Cut-to’ moments when you find yourself sitting with your chin resting on your palm, or sitting on the sofa, absentmindedly staring at the formations on the mosaic floor, looking at nothing, feeling nothing in particular.

And in that phase, you find yourself become a passenger of the bus, rather than the driver of this bus called 'life'. From cutting through a day, embracing and grabbing and tackling and devouring and making an experience of each thing that makes up your routine day, you imperceptibly transform into one that goes through the motions of the same routines. Much like how a coin might feel in a slot machine. Or a drop of water that gets jostled and knocked over the edge of some water fall. The feel sometimes render me to quit everything and disappear from this world.

You go through an entire week or even months on end feeling low but not knowing why. Sometimes not really sure if you actually are feeling low. Not really sure if you are not. Just a state of daze and drifting.

Today I'm feeling very low for no profound reason. Most times when it is indeed a decidedly low phase like today's, I have never found the reason, the why, but I think I know why in a lateral sort of perspective.

You can never appreciate the importance of 'someone', unless his/ her absence is felt and understood. You may never know what a great professor you had yesterday if you did not have a lousy professor today. You may never apprehend the good times until and unless you go through the bad ones. You may never appreciate the food on the table unless you have felt the weakness caused by hunger at some phase of your life. And you may never appreciate your wealth-or the pay cheque you get today-if that hunger was caused because you could not buy food to eat!

We need a reference point. Every low phase is preparing you for a higher experience of happiness. A higher state of being. An ability to cherish and find more joy.

Ah! but that is all fine. I know am talking too much today! I might be sounding like a saint! LOL! But these feelings are crapping my head and as usual my fingers seem unstoppable- they have gone and taken me quite off course. Help me get out of it!! Someone pleaseeee!

Those are the usual things that strike all of us living this so called 'life'-work, friction with those that you love and subsequent heart-burn, the responsibilities that you have that you are not happy about the way you are shouldering them…you know the rest.

I guess, its time to wrap this up, 'cause at one point of time I don't seeming to understand why I am writing this and what I am thinking of... My heart seems to miss someone badly, mind- surrendered wholesomely in front of heart. Understood? I know, it makes no sense to you but means a lot to me!

Dreaming of you....

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I'd wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you(Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you
Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said, "I love you; I love you too"

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly...

PS: lovely song

Just wondering....

I guess I am the first one to admit that I think about the strangest things. I know this already. I know that I am strange. I've accepted it, even. I embrace it.

I obsess about imaginary scenarios that may never happen outside of my head, but that can take over my life regardless. I don't know what this is. It seems that to describe it as an overactive imagination would be a bit of an understatement, but we can go with that, I suppose.

Anyway.

The thing is.

I am absolutely terrified from sneezing while driving. No, not terrified of the fact that I might die. Just concerned about others. LOL

Think about it. A sneez is involuntary - you can't stop it from occurring. And at the same time, closing your eyes when you sneeze is involuntary as well - it's an immediate reflex. Try negating that. Next time you feel a sneeze coming, try and keep your eyes open while you're atchoo-ing. Impossible. Absolutely impossible. Kind of like licking your elbow. Also impossible.

Which means, that whenever I feel a sneeze coming on while I'm behind the steering wheel, I already know that my eyes will be shut for a split second while I spray snot all over the immediate vicinity. Which means, in that split second, anything - yes, anything - can happen.

Which absolutely, completely, utterly terrifies me. :P
AND I CANNOT SEEM TO STOP SNEEZING.

My allergies have succeed in incapacitating me COMPLETELY. All I can manage to do is sneeze and sniff. And sniff and sneeze. And so on. It's a vicious cycle. I alone will be solely responsible for ensuring tissue boxes become extinct in my locality. Just wait and see.

And when I'm driving and aware of the fact that I will be sneezing any second now because there's a tickling sensation in my nose and because my eyes are all tearing up, not only do I have to deal with finding a tissue as quickly as possible so that my boogers don't get to cover everything in sight, but I also have to deal with this most irrational of fears - almost paralyzing, it's so intense - that this might be my last sneeze ever.

What way is this to live, I ask you?

WHAT THE HELL!?!??!?! My only consolation, however, is that my eyes wont pop out when I sneeze.

In other news, I want a new nose please...

atCHOOOO!

Am SICK.

Soooo sick.

To the extent that I would really appreciate a new nose right now. This one has been worn out. And while we're at it, I'd like to replace my throat. And get new eyes - these ones hurt. Also, whoever is BANGING inside my head, kindly STOP.

It's a damn day. I looked so ugly when I saw myself in the mirror this morning. One of my cheek got swollen due to unknown reason, eyes- as big as balloons, nose- a smashed tomato!

This is highly unacceptable.

atCHOOOOOO. Sleeping isn't working ; I can't BREATH when I lie down. And studying is certainly not going right for tomorrows paper :(

Traitor nose! Someone please lend me a nice nose :P

Miss you note

Being apart from you isn't easy...
I find myself missing you so often,in so many ways...
but even though we can't be together right now...
Gentle thoughts of you fill my days and dreams of you fill my nights...
No matter what I'm doing,
I know it would be so much nice if I could be sharing it with you...
I keep imagining things you'd say if you were with me now,
or the way you would laugh if something funny happened,
and next thing I know,
I'm daydreaming about all the things we'll do when we're together again...
Although the miles come between us now,
I still feel so close to you,
and I just keep hoping the days will fly by because I want you beside me

to talk to,
to hold,
to love.
to keep from the hurts
and pains……..

feelings

Tales of mere existence

I came across with this site recently. And it is so truly apt! Everything represented in a comical way make an intact sense about our lives on this plant 'Earth'
Here's one comical strip

Sometimes in life, you find a special person
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it...

Biochemist's gift in microbe style!

If you’re looking for an unusual, sickly yet cuddly gift for your loved one, try these out...

Cough (Bordetella pertussis)
Coughs aren't just for smokers anymore -- now anybody can get one!







Brain Cell (Neuron)
The more brain cells you have, the smarter you are.









Fat Cell (Adipocyte)
With our little personal trainer around, you'll always be watching your weight.








Herpes (Herpes Simplex Virus 2)
Breaking out is hard to do. Learn the facts.








Malaria (Plasmodium falciparum)
The tropics have coconuts, soft beaches, clear water, shiny fish, colorful birds, steel drums, umbrella drinks. And Malaria. All that you imagined. haha






Rabies (Rabies Virus)
Your pets will be foaming at the mouth to get one of our Rabies dolls.








Mange (Sarcoptes scabei)
Who you calling mangy? I'm just along for the ride! Find out more.






Heartworm (Dirofilaria immitis)
A bad relationship can break your pets' heart. But they'll love this little worm!






Salmonella (Salmonella typhimurium)
Which came first: the chicken, or the egg -- or the Salmonella bacteria?





The Plague - black death (Yersinia pestis)
Improved hygiene and readily available antibiotics keep this bad boy at bay. But what a history.






Mad Cow Disease(Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy)
When bovine prions stampede the wrong way, everyone says Moo!

me! ahahaa!!

Thats how I was looking today this morning when I saw myself in the mirror. For a moment I thought that I was in Zoo raring at a gorilla with eyes wide open!

Beware!
This animal is more grievous than you expect!

Love's vocabulary

I have been thinking a lot about LOVE. What is love? well, all I did is, I googled the diction of love and its origin.

Did you know the Greeks have four different words for Love?
Eros is the passionate love, with sensual desire and longing; where erotic comes from.
Philia is friendship, a dispassionate virtuous love.
Storge is natural affection, like that felt by parents for children, or little ones for Nanny.
Agape – THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE – is an all-inclusive unconditional love. This is the one widely used in religious teachings. To have agape is to see all people doing the best they can with the light they’ve got. Agape is not spoken about. It’s a space you rest in; a state of being that is pure uninhibited love. Someone in this state is not looking for a return on the investment. In fact they don’t see it as an investment at all. This is remarkable compassion.

hmmm... Would it be correct to assume the Greeks' four meanings of love: eros, philia, storge and agape, would be equivalent to our own English vocabulary of lust, like, affection and love, respectively?

Except I'm guessing a parent's love for his or her child can be described as something that is slightly more than mere affection, no? I'd hope? Perhaps unconditional love?

Whatever. There are so many words. Love, like, adulation, infatuation, adoration, lust, passion, affection, admiration…it doesn't end.

I wonder how possible it is to be completely incapable of all-consuming, all-encompassing, all-guards-down love. Can you be human and still claim that?

I can't stop with the posting today....

It's like I have blogging diarrhea.

See, I have nothing of substance to say, but still, insane nonsense keeps coming out of me. Can't make it stop.

Pardon the analogy, but it appealed to me!

adaptive trait

I find it tragic that we survive our own dreams, while they die in the process.

reason....

Do not weep over that which you have lost…
but celebrate that which you had…
for it is more natural to find again what you have lost than gain what you have never had.
be it truth, love or freedom...

guide...

when all lights go out and reason betrays the journey it is better to follow the heart… for it never seeks but the light.

binding.

the mind is seductive

ferocious

brilliant…

but it can never be as close

as

a touch.

nor as binding

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.
~Kahlil Gibran

Na tha kuchh toh khuda tha, kuchh na hota toh khuda hota
duboya mujhko hone ne na hota main toh kya hota?

Hua jab gham se yun behis toh gham kya sar ke katane ka
na hota gar juda tan se toh zaanon par dhara hota

You missed me, didn't you?

Seemingly, some people miss me when I disappear and decide I don't feel like blogging anymore. Which baffles me. I rarely have anything productive to say. This just goes to show that you're all as bored as I am and are in need of some online entertainment. Oh well, I'm always ready to ramble, talk to myself, and run circles around the most mundane of subjects.

So what's been happening? Let's recap:

a) Am done with my theory papers. Final practicals are due 2 weeks. Uh! long time to go from now.

b)I went out every night for 3 nights in a row. EVERY NIGHT. I partied up such a storm (you gotta learn my sarcasm to understand that, LOL), people would be fooled into believing I actually had a booming social life. I am now recovering by watching around four movies a day!! Yesterday, I watched FOUR movies in a row..haha!! curse my patience ! lol. Okay, so you must be wondering what all movies I watched..krazzy 4, Tashan, Parzania, National Treasure 2! buwahahaaa

c) My mom's birthday came and went. Oh! it was yesterday and she loved her present. I gifted her a cell phone from my saved piggie bank :)

d) I sometimes feel keyed up to things happening in my life, at times I feel so happy, so happy that I can't really define down, the other times I feel as if nothing is going to be right. All these mixed emotions later put me to blank state.

e) My father has always said to me, all my life, that the secret to happiness, the secret to a fulfilling life, to a good life, is contentment. To be content with what you have. To be satisfied. Ambition is admirable, of course. Dreaming is a must, for sure. But be content with your lot in life as well, and be thankful. I am thankful, I AM I AM. But I can't seem to reach that sense of contentment. I'm always yearning for more, I always want SO MUCH MORE. Will that wanting ever be truly fulfilled? Truly put to rest?