MY WORLD

Update

2010-08-28T01:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, its been soO long since I really blogged. And there have been so many major changes in my life.
One, that I got married.
Two, that I'm changing!

I have been thinking a lot about life and how we tend to change sometimes without even realizing we are changing and before you know it you are looking at yourself and thinking WHO AM I? What happened to the OLD ME?! And no matter how hard you try to reach the person you were, its just not happening.

Time passes and the old you is more and more intangible, like a faint memory that you yourself doubt was real.

Conscience

2010-07-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

very important

part of

a human...

closely related

to his

dignity

Sometimes its NOT OUR WAY, albeit HIGH WAY!

2010-07-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

Being human is something really tiring I say. Just think about it. Starting from going to school, to college, to job or whatsoever! You keep struggling your WHOLE LIFE! Just compare yourself with a chimpanzee's kid: no school; no job; no responsibilities (LOL, am considering in a gross sense. Forget about science and biology for time being)

Just because we are the most sophisticated creatures on the face of this planet , We think we can do everything and anything! I know we are capable of a lot and I know that we only utilize a small fraction of our potential and I am fully aware of the fact that if a human being set his/ her mind on doing something it will be done no matter what but what I am trying to say is that we need a reminder of our decrepitude! We need a slap on the face every once in a while to tell us we are only fragile human beings made of flesh and blood! Hell, We are so fragile , "we aren't even bullet proof "! But I know, we all have to DO SOMETHING in order to achieve SOMETHING

This "slap on the face " might be a word , a picture , a person , it could be anything and everything telling us we can't have it our way always!

To whoever and whatever helped me stay real and human I say : Thank You for keeping me who I am , a human with both successes and failures.

To whoever want to have it "his way" always I say : Try the highway once! It might make a significant difference in your life !

Screech

2010-06-09T02:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm alive

a-chord-ing

2009-12-13T18:53:00.000-08:00

according to time

we only are...

according to memory

we were...

according to our hope

we will be...

time is not the judge afterall

yet

it is the executioner

Life

2009-12-11T04:21:00.000-08:00

The older you get

the bigger

the shocks

you see

around...

2009-11-28T09:47:00.000-08:00

jaenge kahan sujhta nahe

chal padhe magar raasta nahe

kya talaash hai kuch pata nahe

bun rahe hai dil khwaab dum ba dum

2009-11-22T09:35:00.000-08:00

woh samajhte hai ki hum bhi hai auron jaise
ab samajh aaye na aaye unhe samjhaye kaise...

An ode to the art of belly dancing

2009-11-13T11:51:00.000-08:00

Warning: Don't try at home.

And then I was happily shaking my gluteus maximus in air making soft snaps.

I tried to make the snap a little more defined by also squeezing the obliques at the same time

ah-oh! something went wrong again

And this time, I belly danced my way in front of the mirror into a major Pelvic girdle pain. Thanks to Dina Jamal !

PS: She is PHAT :D

A hollow state of mind

2009-10-16T23:38:00.000-07:00

"I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine."

- Fritz Perls

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful."

- Mae West

"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer."

- Someone, I forget who.

Naaz's To Do List for a boring day like Today

Ignore all those troublesome things which are on mind.
Kill someone.
Find medication for out-of-control temper. Stop snapping at random strangers who piss me off. Stop getting so pissed off. I am aging over here.
Get new nose - one which doesn't sneeze. This nose I have SUCKS.
Seduce someone. I am bored. I have nothing else to do.
Start studying albeit.
And STOP THINKING about stupid things!

To be continued.....

.....

Continuation:

Don't spill anything on your kurta.
Stop eating that damn bournville. I hate bournville. And I didn't earn it anyway.
Stop thinking about the ice cream in the freezer.
Stop twirling hair.
Stop wasting time on ORKUT and FACEBOOK!
Stop adding shit to this list.

the insidious evil of procrastination

2009-10-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

complacent belief

that

'there is plenty of time'

perhaps

THE MOST

effective of all

FALLACIES

in wrecking

MY LIFE

another mid-night-coherence-parallel lines

2009-10-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

we all walk the same paths

yet

we never meet in our journeys

but with ourselves

eventually

the rest....are only acquaintances

2009-09-29T06:30:00.001-07:00

yet sometimes I think that nothing is to be known

damnation of memory

2009-09-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

an act of death
with hopes of renewal

for

our memory is

not
forgetful
nor forgiving

emotional trauma

2009-08-31T09:46:00.001-07:00

Help me out!

Lately, I've been going through lots and lots of emotions.

Emotions I never thought I would ever go through. You know the feeling when you think that you have achieved supremacy over your feelings and think that you have managed to control all your feelings, to realize later that you don't know a thing about yourself and who you are?

corner of the room

2009-08-31T08:50:00.000-07:00

the mind explodes...

pieces of hopes

and

dreams

are shuttered everywhere

in the

only

empty place

in the corner of the room

2009-08-22T04:16:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2009-08-19T11:14:00.000-07:00

Dil-e-har qatra hai saaz-e-anal bahar

hum uske hai hamara poochna kya?

Life....an Ugly truth

2009-08-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

Life is an ugly truth.
living on lies
and
lies
we never
live

Let me elaborate

'We are raised on lies.'

We are told that we can be anything and do anything we set our minds to. We are constantly rewarded and positively reinforced. We are told that we are special. We always win, as we’re sheltered from failure.

And during the process we are never taught to reward ourselves, our spiritual, intellectual selves, our being.

We grow up and learn the hard truth about this ugly world we live in. Those who cannot handle it either escape the world through various outlets to feel that reward, that childhood sense of gratification, or they check themselves out completely!

We don’t know what it’s like to push ourselves to our limits, to come close to death, to fully experience life. The closest we ever come in this manufactured world is when our hearts are broken seemingly beyond any repair, when we wake up the following morning with a traumatic hangover like thing stucked to our brains. We try to get a taste of life by running away from it.

And the tragedy still remains - we keep runing away in fear into a darkness more aphotic than anything...

There is one explanation that I believe could be true, and that is, those who live in fear are only afraid because they have not yet lived. The difference between those who are driven by self-preservation and those driven by fear is that the former act to protect the life they already posses and the latter act to delay the inevitable in order to find a life worth preserving!

2009-07-29T10:34:00.000-07:00

The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Herein lies the germ of all art and all true science. Anyone to whom this feeling is alien, who is no longer capable of wonderment and lives in a state of fear is a dead man
~ Albert Einstein

2009-07-20T12:23:00.000-07:00

What am I?

since

2009-06-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

50:16 It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein.

we measure
height
weight
length...
everything but
depth...
could it be
because
we are afraid
to go
down there
where only God
can reach ?...

another thought

2009-06-17T13:28:00.000-07:00

Those who grow in solitude and close to God find the key to the Universe. What is the use of it if there is no one near them to hold their hands and follow into the light?...

I am trying to understand. That is all. Or maybe I am just envious. Again. For I know I shall never find that key. Or perhaps I don't deserve it.

broken architecture

2009-06-17T04:59:00.000-07:00

the foundation
of a good thought
lies within
a good heart.
it is no wonder then
that the world is changed...
with so many broken hearts.

forward? backward

2009-06-16T06:26:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to all my friends who send forwards to me. Forwards with PS note at the bottom - 'If you don't forward this mail to 10 people your girl friend will leave you'

Come on people! get real

boredomness

2009-06-12T01:02:00.001-07:00

Let's talk boredom!
What is boredome?

The feeling that whatever effort we're expressing to inspire is worthless?
Or that, air doesn't really make lots of sense. Is that boredom?
Or is it the lack of motivation? Is there really a difference? eh?

2009-05-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

save me from myself..........

I wish you were here

2009-05-22T23:19:00.000-07:00

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

What happened to the ummah
Once known so well...

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

What happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell
Used to inspire others with our way of thinking and speech
People came from afar just to hear us teach
Yo what happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell
Mosques are empty, refrigerators are stocked
We lost our deen we feel secure
'Cause our mansions are locked
In my teen years Sallah wasn't really that tight
Now I gotta pray each one of them twice
What happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell
Brother we prefer light skinned women
While righteously maintaining our deen against racism
What happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

What happened to the ummah once known so well
Greatness was known, but now can u tell
Kids in Africa are starving - can't afford to cry
I'll pay THE BANK interest for a car I can't afford to buy
What happened to the ummah once known so well
Greatness was known, but now can u tell?
We used to smile at each other, with faces full of light
Now we frown at each other, we bicker and we fight
Pops in the mosque praying, kids in the streets hating
Kids on the corner selling, pops in the mosque preachin'
What happened to the ummah once known so well
Greatness was known but now can u tell?
The Quran has left out hearts stranded, hanging on out walls
6232verses, so strong
9 out of 10 of us can't even read or write
1924 feels distant like way before Christ

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

Que le pasó a la maza
Como puede ser
La grandeza conocida
No la puedo ver
He visto como mi figura cae en tentación
A pesar de que la vida a sido buena con luz e ilusion
He pedido perdón por mis pecados
Tengo la cruz sobre mi cama y el diablo a mi lado
Que le pasó a la maza
Como puede ser
La belleza conocida
No la puedo ver
He sentido incompetencia buscando la verdad
Todos dicen conocerla solo veo la maldad
Que le pasó a la maza
Como puede ser
La pureza conocida
No la puedo ver

[Translation:]
What happened to the people
How can it be
Greatness was known
But now can you tell
I've watched myself fall from grace
Even though life has been good, filled with hopes and dreams
I've asked forgiveness for my sins
I have the cross above my bed and the devil by my side
What happened to the people
How can it be
Beauty was known
But now can you tell

If I was to fall on my knees and ask you to forgive everything for the Lord, out of Love, for the One,
oh oh oh... I've seen
And if u were to fall on ya knees and ask me the same
Brother, don't even think about it, lets just break out of the darkness of ignorance

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you ...

2009-05-13T06:57:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel thesedays....

I feel damn sad for so many reasons...

So many reasons to cry...
So many reasons to be angry at this damn world, damn customs and stereotypical norms
And even at myself...

Sigh

Okay, I think I should better go and watch some movie or hit the sac

2009-05-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

This isn't always, but sometimes SOMETIMES sOMeTimEs I really wish I were an anonymous blogger

sigh!

equation

2009-05-12T23:16:00.000-07:00

if you divide
what you see
by what you think you see
what is left
is a piece
of what you wished
you saw.
hope is thus
our most beautiful
mistake.

silence

2009-04-11T07:33:00.000-07:00

the forgotten detail

of the giving up
is silence.
nothing claims its existence
not even
life.

2009-04-06T12:08:00.000-07:00

Who are we in this complicated world?

if we come to sleep
we are His drowsy ones.

and if we come to wake
we are in His hands.

if we come to weeping,
we are His cloud full of raindrops.

and if we come to laughing,
we are His lightning in that moment.

if we come to anger and battle,
it is the reflection of His wrath.

and if we come to peace and pardon,
it is the reflection of His love.

Who are we in this complicated world?

-Rumi

2009-04-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

tired

deadened cry....

2009-03-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

I feel like I could crack open, like an egg, or something- like a ergh!
Damn! I have never been so restless anytime before

And today, my restless meter is out of range. Don't look at me like that. Honestly, I don't have any genuine reason for this.

To make it more comprehensive, it is one of those days when you just feel like you want to BREAK LOOSE!

How many days have I lost? How can I get back to the place where I started? I'm outside a house, trying to find my way in. But it is locked and the blinds are down, and I've lost the key, and I can't remember what the rooms look like or where I put anything. And if I dare go in inside, I wonder...will I ever be able to find my way out?

And when I'm trying to study...
Sometimes in my head I think I should and when I want to get done with it, then... a second voice speaks up and proves me crazy. I wonder if I go crazy. Rather, I'm already. A wise man said- a very good sign that you're crazy is an inability to ask the question, "Am I crazy?" If the answer is YES, it means that you are not. But this craze-headed one is crazy and she even questions.

I have been trying harder to get a nice sleep since more than a week now, but seemed to be far away commodity for my trunk. Yesterday, all the night long I was up, trying to... It was like... connecting the dots. I have been trying to connect the dots of the steps ahead....Some nights I could connect three or four of them, and some nights they'd be really far apart. I'd have no idea how to get to the next one, if there was the next one. It just seems really stitched together and lumpy.

change...hmmmm...?

2009-02-20T00:08:00.000-08:00

The reason I keep changing my blog theme is nothing but a compensation for a hidden feeling of deficiency, it turned out to be.
The destructive feeling of being incapable of controlling my own life, and making some changes finds a way out in enjoying the simple delights of changing minor things like hair cut, clothes and of course changing the blog’s theme and colors that proved to be the best option for being the easiest and the least costly of all.

I cannot change my past, and I feel helpless about the present, have no idea about the future... whether the next step that I’m going to take will do some change? If the track I’m going to walk will be the right one for me...? or as usual it will turn out to be the wrong one. I hope not. The light of hope within me hasn’t faded yet despite the many storms that went by.
Speaking of hope, I once read that hope is nothing but a synonym of “deceit”. The more we hope, the more we deceive and disillusion ourselves. I read that at a time when I needed so much hope and I felt like a thirsty person who has just been robbed the last and the only drop of water he was counting on to stay alive.

colors

2009-02-17T10:24:00.000-08:00

red is intense
blue is deep
but
white is whole
much like
love
reason
and faith

__________ _ _

2009-02-15T06:06:00.001-08:00

silence.
a lifetime of unsung poems
for those
who can
listen to it
and
understand it.

On my birthday...

2009-02-03T11:24:00.000-08:00

this body that betrays me...
skin that covers
but cannot protect...
eyes that stare
but cannot see the truth...
ears that hear
but cannot listen to reason...
all plotting against
my mind
who still thinks
I am not a grown up yet.

lost?

2009-01-31T08:56:00.000-08:00

watching the colors of my mind
my eye felt something was missing.
I looked for it in my present
then in my future.
but the color of innocence
is to be found only
in my past.
which cannot be brought back
since I am not a child now.
how comfortable it is
to be sinless.
how comfortable it is
to stay inside yourself
and never really know the outside of the shell.
how uncomfortable it is
to choose life as it is
and carry the burden of your mistakes.

I have wondered sometimes whether being a monk is a sign of strength or of weakness. Because from where I stand I see that knowing love, pain and all the other human feelings, God has given us a sign of knowing ourselves better. It is only when we carry a sin that our true strength reveals itself and grows. It is only when we fall we really rise to know ourselves. Or maybe I am just inventing an excuse for my own mistakes...?

sight

2009-01-27T03:32:00.000-08:00

the eye
that gathers
knowledge
sins
and light...
is what
means
I.

hmm...

2009-01-24T04:46:00.000-08:00

vagrant in my own life
it got tired of faraways...
far away dreams
seem farther
than my soul is ready to walk...

untraceable

2009-01-21T05:11:00.000-08:00

sometimes
a broken glass
is not just a broken glass.
it is the smashed flight
of a hopeful
bird.

2009-01-19T17:43:00.000-08:00

"Mere Haathon ki lakeeron main yeh aib chupa hai mohsin
ke main jis shakhs ko chah lo wo mera nai rehta
Main Roz-e-Hashr Ka Qaayal Hun Phir Bhi Hanstaa Hun
Ke Aik Bandaa Khudaa Ko Hisaab kyaa Degaa"

2009-01-12T09:15:00.000-08:00

I... I... I...
I
uh, well I

ever wondered...??

2009-01-06T06:04:00.000-08:00

"We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are."

makes no sense though

2009-01-04T00:46:00.001-08:00

Is this the real life?
or just a fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
no escape from reality...
Open your eyes,
look up to the skies and see,
I'm just a poor thing
and I know,
I need no sympathy...

Just wondering

2008-12-23T01:15:00.000-08:00

what I once was
I will never be again.
what I am
I have never been
and never will...
isn’t it strange
that I never am
what I really am?...

Love ^ happiness

2008-12-20T06:53:00.000-08:00

Love and happiness do not overlap by definition...
they only intersect now and then.
And yet,
not having loved at all
is a greater loss
than
being safely unaware of such beauty and torment.
After all...
happiness is desirable
but not essential.
An intense living though is.
So one can keep searching
for deeper farther meanings in life.

amniotic circle vs dusty square

2008-11-16T03:48:00.000-08:00

we come in waters
and leave
in dust…
we come perfectly rounded
and leave
imperfectly cornered…
life then must be
the end
of perfection.
and death…
just a gap towards the beginning.

lost and found

2008-11-15T05:20:00.000-08:00

it is not when we are lost
that we suffer most...
but when we find
that we are responsible
for what we shall become.

nonsensical

2008-11-13T08:27:00.000-08:00

every now and then
I simply wish
life made sense.
aside from the one I give.
or ...better yet
take.

I hate myself

2008-10-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

If I could become two persons right now, so that Pissed Off Naaz beat up Procrastinator Idiot Stupid Lazy Naaz, then believe me I would.

I would love to sit me down and give me a piece of my [other] mind, while of course dispersing the talking-to with quite a bit of obscenities. And the thing is, I'd deserve it. I'd deserve MORE.

For almost TWO MONTHS now, I've known about a PhD entrance test cum scholarship that I would like to apply for, and all this time, I didn't check up the dates. Its more than a week that I'm still feeling bad about it.

Man I am the loser of the century.

AND LOOK. I'm writing a damn BLOG POST!!!

Will I ever learn?

I DOUBT IT.

And so the race against time continues...

fear-less

2008-10-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

fear of the known
exceeds fear of the unknown…
if the former translates
into betrayal
loneliness
or simply
unlove.

2008-10-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

To know is to lose.
~D.H.Lawrence

flowers are red

2008-10-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

"Flowers are red
Green leaves are green
There's no need to see flowers any other way
Than they way they always have been seen"

Why should we see things the way it has always been seen? Why not the way we want to see?

amazing

2008-10-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

Eye of the Tigerrrrrrrr!!

2008-10-07T23:25:00.000-07:00

sweet!

2008-09-30T13:52:00.000-07:00

Fed up

2008-09-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

Will someone please, PLEASE explain to me, just what, WHAT is so gravely wrong, so unnatural, so indecent about being an ambitious, young woman with the ability, desire and drive to marry later whenever she feels like and to move to another country alone, where she will be living as a single expat (oh the horror, oh the shock), solely for the carrier and experience factor?

WHAT about all of that makes me so unnatural, hopeless and 'corrupted' to a blinded, older generation that are incapable of seeing any farther than their prejudiced, crooked, hooked noses?

Also, what happened to the age-old adage, which I've taken the liberty to edit, slightly; 'If you have nothing nice to say, then keep your thoughts to yourself and SHUT THE HELL UP.'

Or or...how about...'When I want your opinion, I'll be sure to YELL FOR IT AND BEG YOU TO SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT. Otherwise, again, I repeat, SHUT THE HELL UP.'

If myself and my immediate family members are understanding, supportive and accepting of my decision to CREATE A LIFE FOR MYSELF, then I really do not appreciate the backwardness of this society shoving their displaced prejudices and misunderstandings of the accepted societal norms and traditions down our throats. Our only concern should be having to deal with missing one another, and most definitely NOT with 'what people are going to say and think.' But heck. these people are corrupting my family members heads. I wonder what would befall.

I'm a person with plans. I'm not going to sit back and dream about them one day coming true. I'm going to make sure they come true, and I'm going to actively work on ensuring that things happen for me. If that makes me abnormal, atypical, destined to forever sprint down the wrong and evil path, inappropriate, stupid for turning my back on the comforts of irresponsible living, deviant even...then so be it!

2008-09-25T15:23:00.000-07:00

tears are the words my heart
uses to explain when even my
fake smiles cant cover up my pain

m-old

2008-09-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

we mold ourselves
freely at first…
we are
what we want to be...
but then,
'tick tock'…
the clay hardens
and dries us up
in a shape we cannot escape from...
and we are
only
what we became.

freak on a leash

2008-09-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

Shadows

2008-09-14T02:22:00.000-07:00

We are no other than a moving row
Of Magic Shadow-shapes that come and go
Round with the Sun-illumin'd Lantern held
In Midnight by the Master of the Show
~ Omar Khayyám; Edward FitzGerald

An ode to the art of silliness

2008-09-07T10:38:00.000-07:00

My niece likes to sing

She'd be sitting in the drawing room, with her dad, riveting all her senses on to that jigsaw puzzle, until she arranges it right. As my room is close to the drawing room and the door is wide open, as is mine, and we're each on our respective tasks - her tools are a jigsaw cards, toys and toys. My tools are my flying fingers, my desktop keyboard and my books scattered around - she sings, and I continue along.

And all the while, she's be singing to herself and I can hear her, singing it out:

kabhi kabhi aditi .....zindagi mein yuhi.... apna lagta hai
kabhi kabhi aditi woh bichad jaaye to.... lagta hai

kabhi kabhi to lage zindagi mein rahi naa khushi aur naa mazaa
kabhi kabhi to lage....................

Sometimes she switches, and starts singing nursery rhymes:

elley the elephant goes
this way and that
she is so very big
she is so very fat........

And then she continues with her song:

aise mein koi kaise muskuraye kaise hass de khush hoke aur kaise koi soch le everything gonna be okay

sonch zara jaane jaa tujhko hum kitna chahte hai
raat ke baad hi to savera hota hai..

(Then she hums a little 'cause I don't think she knows the words)

In response, I start playing in my iTunes the songs she's singing, and I blasted for her.

That's her cue to toss aside all her things and toy stuffs. In seconds, she's in my room, and I, also in response, jump out of my chair, and of course, we start dancing. And we start jumping from one bed to its sister bed before falling and twisting our ankles.

With the music reverberating throughout the house, it grasps my mother's attention, and she scurries downstairs to see what all the fuss is about. My brother subsequently start screaming and we just nod our heads in agreement. And after some time, she return back to my room asking to play it again.

This time, we started producing strange, scary noises and scared the hell outta everyone!

Man! that kid cracks me up!

Anger Management Therapy

2008-09-05T04:58:00.000-07:00

aaaahhhh

I have been carving so long looking various means to vent down my anger and I think blogging is just the place!

It was just another terrific day. I was strucked in the damn traffic for like 5 HOURS!! on the same route which takes not more than 15 minutes to travel and had a so called near death experience of a life time. Okay! here's a quick sneek peek, I was driving my car back home from lab. The the day was splendidly marvellous with that quenching sun and unbearable 40 degree heat. I drove happily for few minutes and thats when I found myself in traffic I definitely had no reason to be stuck in! It's one thing to be caught in traffic but its just another thing to be caught in traffic that is UNNECESSARY!

If I would have been late for about quarter minute, sure that bastard lorry driver would have knocked my car down. And tell you what, it is not something new in Hyderabad now. Whether you see a BMW or some tin can with wheels, you have a maverick driver behind the wheel. Every one happily violates the traffic rules. If you try to follow these "nonexistent" rules, others make you look like a chump. There is total disregard for others' safety. Traffic signals do not mean anything more than blipping lights around the corner. I sometimes, don't figure whether it's just a mad rush or men trying to get their pregnant wives to a hospital, everyone seems to be in crisis to reach "somewhere" in a jiffy.

This is a pretty common sight you getto see in Hyderabad

aberration

2008-09-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

what we feel
is always more than what it is…
we are greedy by nature
and thus
we get the more
instead of the truth.

Indirectional evolution

2008-08-30T00:14:00.000-07:00

I'm penning down some of my idiotic cognitive content in here...

warning: long post which would definitely end you brainless

How would you get from here, between levels, to the next level? I mean, how do short-lived bipeds of mediocre intelligence, gossip-mongers, delusional mob thinkers and actors--how do we get there from here?

Virtually nothing in nature travels by straight line. The same is true for evolution. Evolution twists and turns like a lazy river. Watching a slow moving river on a quiet day you would never guess at all the floods, torrents, and deluges. Observe a branching evolutionary tree. Cover the top half with a sheet of paper and ask someone to predict which of the lower branches will survive to the top level. You are tempted to say that one cannot get there from here, going from the root to the uppermost branch. But you can indeed trace the maze-like connection, once you see to the top.

A man drives along a rainy street at night, trying to see through the thick falling drops to the street where he must turn. He sees that he is almost to the street and begins his turn-but something makes him pause. Suddenly a motorcycle with dim headlights surprises the man and bursts through the rain. The motorcycle passes through the space the man's car would have occupied if he had proceeded to turn. Why did the man pause his turn?

Another man puzzles over a scientific problem. He cannot make head nor tail of the problem no matter how he thinks about it. Then, while the man is sleeping before a fire, in a dream, the solution comes to him. What caused the answer to suddenly appear in a dream?

A third man struggles to climb a sheer cliff, hundreds of feet off the ground. He is tired and in a precarious position. He has to move and as he moves suddenly he feels himself start to fall. He tries to compensate but his imbalance gets worse. Suddenly he relaxes and his body moves, as if on its own, precisely to the position that allows him to recover and move on. Why did he relax when he was in danger of falling, and why did letting go of his rigid mental grip allow his "mindless body" to recover?

We can try to picture the path we need to follow in becoming next level humans. But we cannot see enough of the maze to see through to the end. Perhaps we are holding on too rigidly to our present concepts, preventing us from making the transition to concepts that would facilitate growth. Our evolution may not be smooth. Like a river, we may have to live through the floods and deluges. Ice dams may have to break to release enough hydraulic power to shape our future selves.

Some of the answers may come to us in our sleep. We will forget most of them in our "waking" to everyday life. Some of us may remember a few things. What we do with the things we remember will determine how smoothly we can make the change.

Next level humans will arrive via lateral thinking and indirection. Edward de Bono has written several books on the lateral thinking methods of problem solving, although I could get hold of few of his books online. As we learn more about how the human brain actually works we will learn better ways of using it. Then, as we learn how the human genome shapes the human brain in concert with the larger environment, we will learn better ways of making smarter humans. That frightens a lot of people.

That is because most humans are easily frightened. Most humans will not be capable of stepping beyond themselves. The habit of thinking with the group, of seeking reassurance from the group, will hold them back. Next level humans will be fiercely independent. And the next next levels will be too independent to want to use their potency to control masses of primitives and between levels. They have places to go, things to do, and much to learn.

Humans are not rational in the way computers are rational. Humans are much more. Human minds function in an indirect manner. Emotions are at the heart of the human mind. Deep within the human mind, apparently another mind resides, a mind capable of solving problems that the superficial mind has difficulty solving directly. The deeper, more indirect, mind has trouble communicating with the superficial mind. Bridging that communications gap is just one problem that independent and intelligent between-levels need to solve, to evolve.

discrimination

2008-08-26T12:21:00.001-07:00

The mind hunts,
the heart harvests.
Therein lies
the difference
between us
and
our true selves.

bla bla bla

2008-08-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

Alright, today I'm in a mood to babble.

*what to blog on*

*what to blog on*

*what to blog on*

enough!

AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I keep opening this damn blog to BLOG and I keep getting stuck after the first damn paragraph. This has been happening for almost TWO WEEKS already. It's DRIVIN' ME NUTS. So many bloggable things have occurred lately, and I can't switch my laziness off enough to DO anything about it.

Like look for example, I just wrote this around 30 minutes ago:

I had been distracted from blogging and just not in the mood to acknowledge the existence of this rambling environment of my eerie nieces and nephew any longer, but somehow, I have made it. So here I am complaining about it. And seeing as 'complaining' is an art I have honed to perfection over the years, I see nothing wrong with writing a whiny post for my own personal satisfaction.

I wrote that in approximately 3.5 minutes, then for the remaining 26.5 minutes, I picked at a scab, twirled my hair around my finger till the finger turned blue and practiced touching my nose with my toe, LOL (it is so much easier to touch your right toe to your nose than your left toe, have you noticed?? check out and do tell me lol). I just can't be bothered to write, and that's seeping into all my other writing assignments, which absolutely sucks because I'm working on a presentation currently.

Ok what am I on about right now...where was I?

So yeah, blogging has somehow turned into another chore and that's never blogging's intention, is it?

Still, seeing as I'm actually WRITING this, who knows? This might get the ball rolling again and I might have the energy/inclination/desire/whatever to finally sit down and blog about. Like, how I was laughing on floor when I learned that my brother was locked up in bathroom for one hour. I know, I'm evil! *devilish laugh*

Also in today's news: I received one of those random compliments that you don't realize is a compliment until at least 8 or 9 seconds have passed, and then when you DO realize its value, a warm fuzzy feeling starts in your toes (that have just touched your nose) and travels all the way up to your ear tips. Compliment appeared as follows:

Naaz: Blah blah blah bah, and right now, she's acting like she's my best friend, which is so disturbing and totally driving me nuts.
Compliment Giver: Hehehehehe....poor you. A lot of people like to act like they're your new best friend.
Naaz: Hahahaha, that's such a funny statement! (pause, approx. 8 or 9 sec.) Oh wait, I think that's a compliment.

That was supposedly a compliment, uh? what-so-ever. However, Compliment Giver could not settle with simply complimenting me and making my day. Nope...compliment giver had to take warm fuzzy feeling away as quickly as it was bestowed. (Oh I wish I was an anonymous blogger *sigh*)

Anyways, I'll be back as I will probably get bored of being bored of the blog and hence will become unbored of the blog once more.

I am so confusing.

When/ If

2008-08-16T10:55:00.001-07:00

For bilingual people out there…

when you - and if you actually do - think, what language do you usually think in?

Random thought

2008-08-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my niece's birthday. I bought her a box of crayons as her b'day present.
And it just made me wonder...

We could learn
a lot from crayons,
they are all different colours
and yet they live in the
same box.

Living miracle, human

2008-08-12T23:30:00.000-07:00

human

2008-08-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

born to perfection
and dying imperfectly
alone.
with the hopes of the after
and visions of forever.

Time to talk....

2008-08-08T23:06:00.000-07:00

Dear pimples,

Please stop visiting my face,

I seriously don't understand you all. You need to decide, once and for all, how exactly you plan to proceed. You've already came far too many times over the course of the past few years, forcing me to stay indoors against my very nature, in order to cradle the pile of dead skin you nonchalantly shower down making my skin colorless and back and damn so painful, and I can't afford to lose anymore skin to your unreasonable whims.

I will not tolerate 'But I can't help protruding!' as an excuse any longer. I suggest you take the time to think this over and then act accordingly. It is up to you whether you choose to consider this a warning or a threat. Suffice to say, that I will no longer be showing any leniency. You do not want to suffer the consequences should I wake up one day, happen to glance in the mirror, and decide that I am fed up with the attitude you have been giving me. Remember, I can always go to some dermatologist and remove you!

Keep that in mind.

Yours,
The Fed Up Proprietress

grasp...

2008-07-31T11:04:00.000-07:00

fingertips…
most sensitive to touch…yet
it takes the entire hand
to hold and protect.
much like love.
and loyalty.

2008-07-30T13:00:00.000-07:00

when infinity is wounded
in its very heart
we become aware
we are not loved anymore

Itinerary of my Life

2008-07-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

This past month, I’ve had plenty to blog about, but no time to indulge in the therapeutic pastime that blogging has become.

To put it mildly, it’s been a pretty busy especially these 'weeks'.

In no particular order, I’ve:

NOT Slept. Not more than a total of 2 hours. In 3 weeks. I know, I have developed a serious chronic insomnia.
Fallen down a flight of stairs, passed out for about 4.3 seconds and experienced a mild concussion.
Spent way too much time staring the rain drops falling down on bemire through my room's window . Those are minutes – no, hours – that I was delusionally thinking on silly senseless things.
Working madly on the report which I need to submit by the end of August.
Belly danced my way in front of the mirror into a minor cardiac arrest, it felt like.
Dashed a car while reversing my car back during parking. And called the car's owner an idiot for parking his car at wrong place and all while the policeman around surreptitiously ignored my existence, inspite it was that car owner's mistake.
Spent an entire 30 minutes fuming at the incompetence of a lab attender from my lab, and when the 30 minutes were over, reached the conclusion that I require anger management therapy. ASAP.
Gotten married, apparently, and immediately produced 13 children, all of whom have very eerie smiles. (Oooohhh, you’re gonna LOVE this one.) You see, I have been thinking a lot on this matter of producing a large spawn LOL, least after having observed my own brother for raising three monsterous kids.
Been hired as a baby sitter(can you believe it??) where all I have to do is play there and scream at those monsterous creatures (I am so good at screaming). And spend my precious time looking after them (why on earth am doing this after all?). I seriously got to find some way out.
Decided that this year, the priorities are reading novels, reading novels, reading novels and reading novels. Boredom will never be an option.

In conclusion, I vow to provide detailed posts explaining all of the above. Especially, the baby sitting stories where those three *ahmmm monsters...* woops, did I tell monsters...Oh, I mean angels are making my life a very happy place to live. *smiles forcibly*

Game

2008-07-22T06:01:00.001-07:00

Life...
a strange game.
Sometimes the only winning move
is not to
Play...

Appreciate

2008-07-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

2008-07-21T07:36:00.001-07:00

I guess I could be really pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

Can you make out from which movie that quote was? I remember, when I first watched that movie I couldn't make head or tail of those words. I guess now, I understand.

Oh I wish...

2008-07-20T05:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I were a 'Cloud'
to wonder freely away
from my skin
from my mind
from my thoughts.
And when I get tired
I would rest on the 'Rainbow'
thus I shall be
the most colorful
the most amazing
the most precious 'Cloud'
ever seen.
Too bad,
I am just 'myself'

Life and death

2008-07-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

Death
is just a matter of time...
Life
is a time that matters temporarily

I'm with you

2008-07-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

Im standing on the bridge
Im waiting on the dark
I thought that you'd be here
by now
Ther's nothing but the rain
no foot steps on the ground
Im listening but ther's
no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me
Won't somebody come take me home

it's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I
Im with you
Im with you

Im looking for a place
Im searching for a face
Is anybody here
I know

Cause nothing's going right And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be
alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me
Won't somebody come take me home

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Oh

Why is every thing so confusing? Maybe Im just out of my mind

Yeah yeah yeah...

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you
Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Useless pieces of information

2008-07-14T05:35:00.000-07:00

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten. (Naaz's take: I can think of a few cat-lover buddies of mine who would be interested in this random piece of info.)

The common goldfish is the only animal that can see both infra-red and ultraviolet light. (Naaz's take: I will be using this piece of information the next time someone tells me I have the attention span/memory of a gold fish. Somehow, I'll be able to incorporate this info, I'm sure of it.)

It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound. (I've never tried lobster. I wonder if I'd like it? Is it too fishy??)

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. (Naaz's take: Perfect example of random piece of info that is pretty useless. Except now, I'll be thinking of Leo everytime I pick up a pair of scissors, I'm sure of it!)

An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes. (Naaz's take: Attacked by an iguana? Thinking of how to save yourself? We don't recommend death by drowning. It would take a while.)

And you know what? I came to know today from a magazine that South Africa is the only country with three official capitals: Pretoria, Cape Town and Bloemfontein.

Tired, simply tired of everything...

2008-07-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

I'm tired
Tired of everything

This intense feeling is killing me almost, the feeling of ignominy is roaring high inside of me; so high that it is not letting me do what I can and what I really want!

Oh God Oh! How I really wish I disappear from this world...

Some kind of letter

2008-07-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

I read this long time ago, and infact I have posted this earlier. I still find it interesting. In case you haven't read it please do, and don't jump to the end, read every line of it.
Naaz
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi,
As you got up this morning,

I watched you and hoped you would talk to me,
even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for
something good that happened in your life yesterday - but I noticed you were to busy trying to find the right outfit to put on and wear to work.

I waited again.

When you ran around the house getting ready I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy.
At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me
but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip.

I watched as you went to work and I waited patiently all day long.
With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me.

I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, you glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't.

That's okay. There is still more time left, and I have hope that you will talk to me... yet you went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do.

After a few of them were done you turned on the TV,
I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there and you spent a lot of time each day in front of it, not thinking about anything - just enjoying the show.

I waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your meal...
but again you didn't talk to me.

Bedtime - I guess you felt too tired.
After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time.

That's okay
because you may not realize
that I am always there for you.
I've got patience
more than you will ever know.
I even want to teach you
how to be patient with others as well.
I love you so much
that I wait everyday for a nod,
prayer or thought or a thankful part of your heart.
It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.

Well you are getting up again and once again I will wait with nothing but love for you hoping that today you will give me some time.
Have a nice day!
Your friend,
God

AM OVER IT!!

2008-07-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

blind folded

2008-07-09T08:14:00.000-07:00

weary with REALITY
we are aware
we need some DREAMS
to cope with it.
we fold the corners of the eye
and hold the magic
until it gets too OLD!

wondering....

2008-07-07T11:35:00.000-07:00

when do we grow up
to be
so little
of what we once were
and so much
of what we never wanted to be?...

Damn! So very apt! LOL

2008-07-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

2008-07-05T13:24:00.001-07:00

2008-07-05T13:23:00.001-07:00

I believe I can fly

2008-07-03T14:01:00.001-07:00

2008-07-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

PS: Oh did'nt I tell you that I like Madonna's songs too. And this one is my fav! I just love the video!!! and ofcourse even the song

On Not Giving Up

2008-06-28T04:32:00.000-07:00

Failed at something? Good

Failed again? Excellent

You are a lucky devil you know,
to be learning from the best teacher
in the whole world.

Because that's what failure really is,
A teacher,
A rung in the ladder,
A clever device to test,
your talent,
your courage,
your thirst for success.
And if you persevere and push,
And hang on long enough,
And grit your teeth,
And still manage to smile,
you will bask in the sunshine.
What's more? You will sleep well at night.

There is a difference between knowing failure and knowing failure.

PS: These inspirational words are from one of the poster in my lab. I kinda liked it!

Muffled Screamssss

2008-06-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

Am very much frustrated today for no obvious reason. It is one of those days when you just feel like you want to EXPLODE!

Sometimes. Just sometimes. Not all the times, I feel the urge to SCREAM!!
I feel this is the best way to let out all the stress, anger and accumulated feelings that have been bottled up inside of you for so long!

A scream for each time I smiled and nodded my head when someone cuts in front of my car in a traffic jam!

For every time I felt disrespected or mistreated and just didn't speak up.

For all those disappointing moments in my life.

A Scream of REgret, Anger, Frustration, STRESS!

For all those times I felt disappointed!

For all the times I felt USED!!

Scream till my vocal cords can scream no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaahhhhhhh
SO LOUD that my ear drums feel like they are going to burst!

SREAM for soo long...
let all these negative feelings out of my system..
till suddenly I'm surrounded by a peaceful sense of serenity....
a feeling of safety...
all i hear is the sound of nothingness....
nothing but a LOUD SILENCE...

I know, in reality its kind of inappropriate to scream like that or I'll be officially seen as a psychopath! Just pass me a pillow it will do for now!!! ARGH?!!!

2008-06-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

I just love this song!

Well, uh, how is me? Am Okay. Things are just the same, except that am keeping myself busy with my lab work- in a way trying NOT to think MORE.

As I laid back on my bed reminiscing... I ended up humming this song... I love it!

nothingness

2008-06-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to say in particular.
This is another phase of my life when I'm THIS low.
I feel as if I'm hit by some sort of axe.
I have got used to it.
Because, this is'nt the first time.

I make my own destiny!

2008-06-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

Many people believe that God casted every individual soul into 'destinies'? But did you ever wonder that why is He 'testing' us after all? If He has already decided that we are going to do so and so 'good deed' and so and so 'bad deed' in our 'life', then why testing?

The Noble Quran ascribes a free and active role to man, describing him as capable of consciously fashioning his own destiny with a knowledge of good and bad, ugly and beautiful, and the capacity to choose between them.

We have shown the path to man, and he is free to choose the right path and be thankful or to choose the path of ingratitude. (76:3) Whoever wishes for the eternal abode and strives for it as needed will find his efforts rewarded. (17:19)

Whenever we fail to reach our goals and ideals, for whatever reason, we blame our "luck", "destiny," "fate" albeit, our choice which we took, our improper use of intellect and knowledge and other powers.
Therefore...

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped”

Although, there are certain factors which controls our destiny...

1. It often happens that we decides to do something but however hard we tries, we somehow, sometimes are unable to accomplish it. The reason for this is not that God's will opposes itself to our will and prevents us from doing what we wishes. It is rather that in such cases some unknown external factor which lies beyond the scope of our knowledge and control creates obstacles in our way and prevents us from attaining our goals.

2. God has set billions of factors to work in the order of being. Sometimes those factors are apparent to us, at other times they remain unknown to us and cannot be incorporated in our calculations. This, too, relates to fate and destiny, but not only does it not result in depriving our free will or prevent us from striving to attain satisfaction in life; it also guides us in both thought and activity and imbues the very depths of our being with greater vitality. We seeks to augment our knowledge and identify, as precisely as possible, the factors that pave the way for attaining greater success in life. Belief in fate and destiny is then a potent factor in advancing ourselves towards our aims and ideals.

3. Our destinies change when the factors and causes regulating them change-what appears to be eternal and immutable changes in accordance with a change in our conduct and acts. Just as material factors can reshape our destiny, non-material factors may also elicit new phenomena or happening that is through a change in causes and circumstances, God will decree that a new phenomenon will appear, more beneficial than the phenomenon it has replaced.