a-chord-ing

according to time

we only are...

according to memory

we were...

according to our hope

we will be...

time is not the judge afterall

yet

it is the executioner

Life

The older you get

the bigger

the shocks

you see

around...

jaenge kahan sujhta nahe

chal padhe magar raasta nahe

kya talaash hai kuch pata nahe

bun rahe hai dil khwaab dum ba dum

woh samajhte hai ki hum bhi hai auron jaise
ab samajh aaye na aaye unhe samjhaye kaise...

An ode to the art of belly dancing

Warning: Don't try at home.

And then I was happily shaking my gluteus maximus in air making soft snaps.

I tried to make the snap a little more defined by also squeezing the obliques at the same time

ah-oh! something went wrong again

And this time, I belly danced my way in front of the mirror into a major Pelvic girdle pain. Thanks to Dina Jamal !

PS: She is PHAT :D

A hollow state of mind

"I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine."

- Fritz Perls

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful."

- Mae West

"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer."

- Someone, I forget who.

Naaz's To Do List for a boring day like Today

1. Ignore all those troublesome things which are on mind.
   
2. Kill someone.
   
3. Find medication for out-of-control temper. Stop snapping at random strangers who piss me off. Stop getting so pissed off. I am aging over here.
4. Get new nose - one which doesn't sneeze. This nose I have SUCKS.
5. Seduce someone. I am bored. I have nothing else to do.
6. Start studying albeit.
7. And STOP THINKING about stupid things!
   

To be continued.....

.....

Continuation:

1. Don't spill anything on your kurta.
2. Stop eating that damn bournville. I hate bournville. And I didn't earn it anyway.
3. Stop thinking about the ice cream in the freezer.
   
4. Stop twirling hair.
5. Stop wasting time on ORKUT and FACEBOOK!
6. Stop adding shit to this list.

the insidious evil of procrastination

a

complacent belief

that

'there is plenty of time'

is

perhaps

THE MOST

effective of all

FALLACIES

in wrecking

MY LIFE

another mid-night-coherence-parallel lines

we all walk the same paths

yet

we never meet in our journeys

but with ourselves

eventually

the rest....are only acquaintances

yet sometimes I think that nothing is to be known

damnation of memory

an act of death
with hopes of renewal

for

our memory is

not
forgetful
nor forgiving

emotional trauma

Help me out!

Lately, I've been going through lots and lots of emotions.

Emotions I never thought I would ever go through. You know the feeling when you think that you have achieved supremacy over your feelings and think that you have managed to control all your feelings, to realize later that you don't know a thing about yourself and who you are?

corner of the room

the mind explodes...

pieces of hopes

and

dreams

are shuttered everywhere

in the

only

empty place

in the corner of the room

AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Dil-e-har qatra hai saaz-e-anal bahar

hum uske hai hamara poochna kya?

Life....an Ugly truth

Life is an ugly truth.
living on lies
and
lies
we never
live

Let me elaborate

'We are raised on lies.'

We are told that we can be anything and do anything we set our minds to. We are constantly rewarded and positively reinforced. We are told that we are special. We always win, as we’re sheltered from failure.

And during the process we are never taught to reward ourselves, our spiritual, intellectual selves, our being.

We grow up and learn the hard truth about this ugly world we live in. Those who cannot handle it either escape the world through various outlets to feel that reward, that childhood sense of gratification, or they check themselves out completely!

We don’t know what it’s like to push ourselves to our limits, to come close to death, to fully experience life. The closest we ever come in this manufactured world is when our hearts are broken seemingly beyond any repair, when we wake up the following morning with a traumatic hangover like thing stucked to our brains. We try to get a taste of life by running away from it.

And the tragedy still remains - we keep runing away in fear into a darkness more aphotic than anything...

There is one explanation that I believe could be true, and that is, those who live in fear are only afraid because they have not yet lived. The difference between those who are driven by self-preservation and those driven by fear is that the former act to protect the life they already posses and the latter act to delay the inevitable in order to find a life worth preserving!

The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Herein lies the germ of all art and all true science. Anyone to whom this feeling is alien, who is no longer capable of wonderment and lives in a state of fear is a dead man
~ Albert Einstein

What am I?

since

50:16 It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein.

we measure
height
weight
length...
everything but
depth...
could it be
because
we are afraid
to go
down there
where only God
can reach ?...

another thought

Those who grow in solitude and close to God find the key to the Universe. What is the use of it if there is no one near them to hold their hands and follow into the light?...

I am trying to understand. That is all. Or maybe I am just envious. Again. For I know I shall never find that key. Or perhaps I don't deserve it.

broken architecture

the foundation
of a good thought
lies within
a good heart.
it is no wonder then
that the world is changed...
with so many broken hearts.

forward? backward

Dedicated to all my friends who send forwards to me. Forwards with PS note at the bottom - 'If you don't forward this mail to 10 people your girl friend will leave you'

Come on people! get real

boredomness

Let's talk boredom!
What is boredome?

The feeling that whatever effort we're expressing to inspire is worthless?
Or that, air doesn't really make lots of sense. Is that boredom?
Or is it the lack of motivation? Is there really a difference? eh?

save me from myself..........

I wish you were here

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

What happened to the ummah
Once known so well...

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

What happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell
Used to inspire others with our way of thinking and speech
People came from afar just to hear us teach
Yo what happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell
Mosques are empty, refrigerators are stocked
We lost our deen we feel secure
'Cause our mansions are locked
In my teen years Sallah wasn't really that tight
Now I gotta pray each one of them twice
What happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell
Brother we prefer light skinned women
While righteously maintaining our deen against racism
What happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

What happened to the ummah once known so well
Greatness was known, but now can u tell
Kids in Africa are starving - can't afford to cry
I'll pay THE BANK interest for a car I can't afford to buy
What happened to the ummah once known so well
Greatness was known, but now can u tell?
We used to smile at each other, with faces full of light
Now we frown at each other, we bicker and we fight
Pops in the mosque praying, kids in the streets hating
Kids on the corner selling, pops in the mosque preachin'
What happened to the ummah once known so well
Greatness was known but now can u tell?
The Quran has left out hearts stranded, hanging on out walls
6232verses, so strong
9 out of 10 of us can't even read or write
1924 feels distant like way before Christ

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

Que le pasó a la maza
Como puede ser
La grandeza conocida
No la puedo ver
He visto como mi figura cae en tentación
A pesar de que la vida a sido buena con luz e ilusion
He pedido perdón por mis pecados
Tengo la cruz sobre mi cama y el diablo a mi lado
Que le pasó a la maza
Como puede ser
La belleza conocida
No la puedo ver
He sentido incompetencia buscando la verdad
Todos dicen conocerla solo veo la maldad
Que le pasó a la maza
Como puede ser
La pureza conocida
No la puedo ver

[Translation:]
What happened to the people
How can it be
Greatness was known
But now can you tell
I've watched myself fall from grace
Even though life has been good, filled with hopes and dreams
I've asked forgiveness for my sins
I have the cross above my bed and the devil by my side
What happened to the people
How can it be
Beauty was known
But now can you tell

If I was to fall on my knees and ask you to forgive everything for the Lord, out of Love, for the One,
oh oh oh... I've seen
And if u were to fall on ya knees and ask me the same
Brother, don't even think about it, lets just break out of the darkness of ignorance

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you ...

This is how I feel thesedays....

I feel damn sad for so many reasons...

So many reasons to cry...
So many reasons to be angry at this damn world, damn customs and stereotypical norms
And even at myself...

Sigh

Okay, I think I should better go and watch some movie or hit the sac

This isn't always, but sometimes SOMETIMES sOMeTimEs I really wish I were an anonymous blogger

sigh!

equation

if you divide
what you see
by what you think you see
what is left
is a piece
of what you wished
you saw.
hope is thus
our most beautiful
mistake.

silence

the forgotten detail

of the giving up
is silence.
nothing claims its existence
not even
life.

Who are we in this complicated world?

if we come to sleep
we are His drowsy ones.

and if we come to wake
we are in His hands.

if we come to weeping,
we are His cloud full of raindrops.

and if we come to laughing,
we are His lightning in that moment.

if we come to anger and battle,
it is the reflection of His wrath.

and if we come to peace and pardon,
it is the reflection of His love.

Who are we in this complicated world?

-Rumi

tired

deadened cry....

I feel like I could crack open, like an egg, or something- like a ergh!
Damn! I have never been so restless anytime before

And today, my restless meter is out of range. Don't look at me like that. Honestly, I don't have any genuine reason for this.

To make it more comprehensive, it is one of those days when you just feel like you want to BREAK LOOSE!

How many days have I lost? How can I get back to the place where I started? I'm outside a house, trying to find my way in. But it is locked and the blinds are down, and I've lost the key, and I can't remember what the rooms look like or where I put anything. And if I dare go in inside, I wonder...will I ever be able to find my way out?

And when I'm trying to study...
Sometimes in my head I think I should and when I want to get done with it, then... a second voice speaks up and proves me crazy. I wonder if I go crazy. Rather, I'm already. A wise man said- a very good sign that you're crazy is an inability to ask the question, "Am I crazy?" If the answer is YES, it means that you are not. But this craze-headed one is crazy and she even questions.

I have been trying harder to get a nice sleep since more than a week now, but seemed to be far away commodity for my trunk. Yesterday, all the night long I was up, trying to... It was like... connecting the dots. I have been trying to connect the dots of the steps ahead....Some nights I could connect three or four of them, and some nights they'd be really far apart. I'd have no idea how to get to the next one, if there was the next one. It just seems really stitched together and lumpy.

change...hmmmm...?

The reason I keep changing my blog theme is nothing but a compensation for a hidden feeling of deficiency, it turned out to be.
The destructive feeling of being incapable of controlling my own life, and making some changes finds a way out in enjoying the simple delights of changing minor things like hair cut, clothes and of course changing the blog’s theme and colors that proved to be the best option for being the easiest and the least costly of all.

I cannot change my past, and I feel helpless about the present, have no idea about the future... whether the next step that I’m going to take will do some change? If the track I’m going to walk will be the right one for me...? or as usual it will turn out to be the wrong one. I hope not. The light of hope within me hasn’t faded yet despite the many storms that went by.
Speaking of hope, I once read that hope is nothing but a synonym of “deceit”. The more we hope, the more we deceive and disillusion ourselves. I read that at a time when I needed so much hope and I felt like a thirsty person who has just been robbed the last and the only drop of water he was counting on to stay alive.

colors

red is intense
blue is deep
but
white is whole
much like
love
reason
and faith

______________ __ __ _ _

silence.
a lifetime of unsung poems
for those
who can
listen to it
and
understand it.

On my birthday...

this body that betrays me...
skin that covers
but cannot protect...
eyes that stare
but cannot see the truth...
ears that hear
but cannot listen to reason...
all plotting against
my mind
who still thinks
I am not a grown up yet.

lost?

watching the colors of my mind
my eye felt something was missing.
I looked for it in my present
then in my future.
but the color of innocence
is to be found only
in my past.
which cannot be brought back
since I am not a child now.
how comfortable it is
to be sinless.
how comfortable it is
to stay inside yourself
and never really know the outside of the shell.
how uncomfortable it is
to choose life as it is
and carry the burden of your mistakes.

I have wondered sometimes whether being a monk is a sign of strength or of weakness. Because from where I stand I see that knowing love, pain and all the other human feelings, God has given us a sign of knowing ourselves better. It is only when we carry a sin that our true strength reveals itself and grows. It is only when we fall we really rise to know ourselves. Or maybe I am just inventing an excuse for my own mistakes...?

sight

the eye
that gathers
knowledge
sins
and light...
is what
means
I.

hmm...

vagrant in my own life
it got tired of faraways...
far away dreams
seem farther
than my soul is ready to walk...

untraceable

sometimes
a broken glass
is not just a broken glass.
it is the smashed flight
of a hopeful
bird.

"Mere Haathon ki lakeeron main yeh aib chupa hai mohsin
ke main jis shakhs ko chah lo wo mera nai rehta
Main Roz-e-Hashr Ka Qaayal Hun Phir Bhi Hanstaa Hun
Ke Aik Bandaa Khudaa Ko Hisaab kyaa Degaa"

I... I... I...
I
uh, well I

ever wondered...??

"We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are."

makes no sense though

Is this the real life?
or just a fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
no escape from reality...
Open your eyes,
look up to the skies and see,
I'm just a poor thing
and I know,
I need no sympathy...