When do you want to die?

I want to die when I can no longer look at this mug shot of mine in the mirror.

No, wait, I felt this way just this morning.

hmmmm. Let's rephrase.

When sex appeal plummets to zero permanently and when health is no longer something you can take for granted, when aches and pains become as regular a fixture in your life as the need to relieve yourself, when relieving yourself is no longer a voluntary action, when voluntary actions are a thing of the past because you can't even feed yourself, when sight is gone and hearing is difficult and your ears and nose are really really large (because did you know that you are born with the same size eyes for life but that your nose and ears NEVER stop growing?). Uh anyway! Where was I? when all that is what your life has become - or, what MY life has become - then I would rather be dead. My birthday went like a big bummer. I couldn't possibly stop myself thinking that am 21 now- that am growing old- for God's sake.

Anyway, regardless of all the philosophizing, I can sit here and make about the pros and cons of a long life, I know for a fact that I don't want to live to be 120 years old, and certainly not if it means I have to drink OLIVE OIL to do it. I am not yet 22 and I'm already really tired of this world of ours, so can you IMAGINE!?

Thanks but no thanks. I'm thinking 75 max. 80 if I like my kids and their spawn. We shall see.

Being a kid again...

Ever wondered what it would be like if you only had toys to worry about? No alarm clock ringing you awake too early for the day. No crumpled up daily schedules. No beeping cellular phones. No classes to attend. No records to write. No exams. No projects to work on. No worries. No tensions. And most importantly no Work at all!

Dont we all want to be kids again? Play up the tree, tag, hide and seek....don't we all? I know I do.

So you all get your pen and paper, you can sign the same contract that appears below:

RESIGNATION

I (state yourname), am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

• I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
• I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.
• I want to lie under a big tree on a hot summer's day.
• I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
• I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
• I want to believe that anything is possible.
• I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
• I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, disheartened, hurt, ditches, lies, egostics and loss of loved ones.
• I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So, I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first!

Choice

You can say you Hate…
But you can also say you really don’t like...

You can complain about having a Problem…
But you can also smile and say you are facing a challenge...

I really don’t want to be sad…
But I usually think... how I want to be happy…

It’s really a matter of choice….
And it does make a difference...

Invisible

This post does not exist, I am assuming that no one is reading, so if you see me, pretend like you have no clue.

It's a pretend, it's strong infront of them, I worry about their worries. They are worried. One doesn't notice much, thinks it's going smooth, or semi smooth. The second is quite aware but not seeing through. Better for the second, it's less heart tiring.

Talks, talks, talks, forever. Talks like incessant verbal catharsis. A point comes when I have no clue what is said, what I said, or what I heard. A point comes where talks run in continuous streams, mixed with fake smiles. Talks that go long, with short mixes and a long hollow inhale. Tired. A materialistic world.

A day is a 24 hour, whether the mornings, the inbetween class minutes, the walk down the stairs, off the car, to the library, one's car, the cafeteria, at home, the white room, the kitchen, in bed, even in the dreams, the wake ups at 4 am, or 6 am, the before sleep time, the chats, or the on road music. A day is a 24 long tiring hours.

Does it seem like a joke: not liking to hear the song? or feel the vibes? I've had this urge of wanting to throw it off the window. Hear it smash to the floor, See it shattered into pieces.

I want silence, complete, I don't want any attention, any little bit of caring. I don't want the holidays to come, the eve, the new year, or the birthday. I pray a big snow or heavy rain or something on the day, a stay in bed away from everything. I wish a vanish sometime. Don't force things on me, I force them myself.

Running away from reality used to be coming to My World. A place where no one would force a word on me, my thoughts are my free space, everything runs under my rules, no one is to tell me my right from wrong. My World is my refuge, my place, my judges, a place where there is no materialism.

A moment when you don't really feel who you're talking to, but you just talk and talk, while one is simply typing on the keyboard, and suddenly notices the drops and rushes to remove them.

A moment when you simply can't stop running away from the thoughts and you surrender to the shut door in you, you open it and there you go, all the gulps and inhales you've been suppressing for long.

Why should you tell.... they heard enough.

A moment when the world seems so tight on you, as much spacious the world seems, it's only tight on you.

no title

Ok, so where have I been lately? What have I been up to exactly? Why am I not orkutting and chatting these days? Nothing serious, really, just feeling sorry for myself and stuff like that. I have also neglected my studies, my family, my friends and my online contacts and myself. So, I am not going to apologize for all that because in the end I had a very good reason for all this:

I was feeling sorry for myself

Now what’s odd is that I have so many ideas racing and shouting in my mind and I need to get them out of my system, but I feel stuck, blocked, silent.

Of course I know I will need to snap out of this, slap myself and to just say: I don’t even care. I also need to socialize less since I have been overwhelmed with this terrible feeling of low self esteem. I have been feeling very sorry for things that I did unintentionally and for which people are considering me that I'm BAD. I know I'm bad to an extent. I agree. Everyone are.

So what a better cure than NOT going out, NOT chatting and focusing more on reading, sleeping, eating, blogging and perhaps… studying? Well, frankly I’d do anything to free myself from this shit! I really don’t need this. So let’s start the snapping out process. AND I will start with the easiest thing on my list: scribbling this shit over here.

Learned the biggest lesson of my life today!

Never speak to anyone
Never trust anyone
Never love anyone

not even your good friends

Better being Alone! All by Myself!

When I was child
I never needed anyone
Those days are gone
Living alone
I think of all the friends Ive known
When I dial the telephone
Nobodys home, and when I get some, take my words all wrong.

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Dont wanna live
All by myself
Anymore

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Dont wanna live
Oh
Dont wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Dont wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone

What Came First?

What Came First The Chicken or The Egg

Bemused? You don't have to be. Well, this question has been debated for centuries. I am not expecting a straightforward answer or even think that people would agree on this. But here’s something hilarious! hehehee I thought I’d share this! Something I was reading and was funny. A bunch of answers from some people I know and some page I frequently visit. I posted this for a laugh but you could get something profound out of it…lol....something like a research article on it....haha

I always doubted about this ? I believe first egg came then from the egg chicken but wait if there is no chicken how the hell the egg comes ? What you think ? what came first ..egg or chicken ?-Raj

Me: I think you should leave the thinking to me hahaha. You just messed up my mental health!

I believe the chicken came first. Like Adam and Eve there were a Mr and Mrs Chicken long ago. Cookie

Me: I’m thinking you’ve seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith…lol

Some people say that the egg came first since the chicken evolved from something else, which had already had eggs, but that simply opens the next question - in that species, which came first? Tracing it right back, which would have originated first? I think that the chicken would plausibly have come first, since, following the theory of evolution, we started evolution as bacterium that reproduced without eggs; as they evolved, so they evolved into species with the capacity to produce eggs; if there is an egg, it must have been laid by something!-Prof. Dan

Me: Of course! So which came first?

I belive the egg a dinosuar had a retarded egg or baby and then the egg had siters and brothes and they had sex and then chickens came into this world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -My younger Brother

Me: haahaahahhaahhhhhhahaha what’s up with the retarded egg? Why’d it have to be retarded? So a retarted egg came first?

Neither. Chickens evolved from reptiles. -Cadie

Me: Now that’s interesting but aren't chickens avians...lol

The frying pan, then what started out as a meal became a trivia question to talk about after the meal.- Dotmut

Me: lol…yum yum

"The chicken" came first - in the sentence of the question. If the question is phrased differently, the answer is different-My elder brother

Me: So lame..lol

“Who gives a shit!” - beccysempire

Me: lmfao.. cheers!

There are two answers to this question. One serious, one retarded. Let's start with the former.

# 1. The egg came first. We know that chickens evolved from some earlier, non-chickenoid form of life, e.g., the half-bird, half-reptile Archaeopteryx. These non-chickens, however, arrived in eggs. Ergo, eggs were on the scene before chickens.

# 2. The chicken came first because (sigh) the chicken had to get laid before the egg could. Don't say I didn't warn you. -Bennymicro

Me: Now this is some kind of answer!

Chicken............or maybe egg.........but what about chicken........but the egg.......How am I supposed to know? -Choco

Me: LOL go figure Choco!

It’s really hard to say. you need a chicken to lay the egg, but the chicken itself came from the egg. the whole thing just keeps on repeating -Sisi

Me: Yes history repeats itself..lol

Neither, they had to evolve from something else! -Mom

Me: What is this the cuckadoodledoo theory then, Mom?..lol

The chicken. If the egg came first there would have been no chicken to sit on it and make it hatch. Thats just my guess! -Mary

Me: I say keep on guessing Mary...lol

This age old question can not be answered with fact. There are many opinions, but the best is one of evolution and natural selection. The chicken evolved like many other animals, and the production of the "egg" came about in this evolution. Some place along the line, the chicken and the egg were present at the same time.

Another view looks at the evolution of mammals from lower life forms and the actual growth from one celled organisms or "eggs". In this view, the egg comes first, and the chicken is a result of the evolution of the one celled organism -Corvet Willy

Me: Bravo! That’s more like it

Do some experiment to prove the answer. You could bring a chicken and a dozen eggs to Post office and mail it to your home. You will find out which come to your home first. -Bishoy

Me: hahahah

the rooster -steve

Me: really? Have you considered the HEN that lays the egg?

This is actually very easy to answer, based on evolution the egg had to come first. Evolution works like this: There are slight changes in the genetic information of the sex cells (i.e. eggs and sperm) of individuals that are passed on to the offspring of any two parents. These changes in the genetic makeup are called mutations. Mutations can either have: 1) A deleterious effect on the offspring (genetic disorders may arise, many times these are lethal); 2) sometimes these mutations may be advantageous, making an individual more fit than its neighbors (this is sometimes referred to as conferring an advantage); or 3) these mutations can have no effect, making no change from parent to progeny.

In the case of the chicken, it must have evolved from something else that became less fit than the chicken and eventually becoming extinct. The chicken became a chicken from this other organism through mutations that built up over time in subsequent generations. However, whatever the genetic makeup that finally became defined as a chicken, that individual was first conceived and developed in an egg before being hatched. The egg and sperm that fused to produce the chicken didn't bypass the period of gestation within an egg that had developed in the bird family millions of years before the chicken came along.

So the simple answer to this question is the egg came first -- unless you believe in fairy tales? -J.R.

Me: Way to go J.R! This would be a clear-cut explanation but too overwhelming. My children won’t understand this..lol

The egg did (but the chicken managed an orgasm shortly thereafter while the egg was smoking a cigarette). -portnoyscomplaining

Me: hahahah funny you need to seek therapy..lol

you really have to get down to the molecular level for this one. The chicken dna came first (it's parents were 'pre-chickens'). Then....as the dna/zygote divided...it grew to the point where it formed the eggshell. So, while on a year-by-year/generation-by-generation definition of first, both the chicken and egg formed at the same time, on a minute-by-minute basis, the chicken dna came first. Question...does now mean "this year", "this second" or "this microsecond"? -quicksilver

Me: Solved the mystery out of it..lol...not yet

According to the holy books, of which I firmly stand on, the chicken and rooster would have been made at the same time, in order to make more chickens of their kind. When God made the animals, it included the birds of the air. And He told them to multiply after their own kind. Since no other valid explanation has ever presented itself to me, AND the fact that God does not lie, it's good enough for me.-lynn

Me: Thanks! Now who want’s to defy the word of GOD?

In my opinion lynn had the best answer for the theological point of view since it’s the only one that was presented.LOL. And for the more scientific way of explaining things , I’d take bennymicro's answer –the former one. It was short, not very detailed but just reading it gave me the answer. Now it would be interesting to know your opinion..hehee..So which came first the chicken or the egg ?LOL

Some Kind of Letter

I read this long time ago, I still find it interesting. In case you haven't read it please do, and don't jump to the end, read every line of it.
Naaz
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi,
As you got up this morning,

I watched you and hoped you would talk to me,
even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for
something good that happened in your life yesterday - but I noticed you were to busy trying to find the right outfit to put on and wear to work.

I waited again.

When you ran around the house getting ready I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy.
At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me
but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip.

I watched as you went to work and I waited patiently all day long.
With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me.

I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, you glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't.

That's okay. There is still more time left, and I have hope that you will talk to me... yet you went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do.

After a few of them were done you turned on the TV,
I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there and you spent a lot of time each day in front of it, not thinking about anything - just enjoying the show.

I waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your meal...
but again you didn't talk to me.

Bedtime - I guess you felt too tired.
After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time.

That's okay
because you may not realize
that I am always there for you.
I've got patience
more than you will ever know.
I even want to teach you
how to be patient with others as well.
I love you so much
that I wait everyday for a nod,
prayer or thought or a thankful part of your heart.
It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.

Well you are getting up again and once again I will wait with nothing but love for you hoping that today you will give me some time.
Have a nice day!
Your friend,
God

Things Learned From Intergender Friendship

The PREMISE of this article lies on the principle that sometimes, loving a person doesn't mean it has to be romantic and loving a person for the rest of your life doesn't mean you have to end up marrying them!!! Can a man and a woman just be friends? I'd say yes and they should be.

Just because he/she befriends you, it doesn’t mean he’s/she's courting you. Not every guy who befriends you has an ulterior motive. Get over yourself. Don't flatter yourself. There is a reason why he befriended you, but don't automatically assume that it's because he wants to be your so-called boyfriend. If this will be the principle you'll follow every time someone asks you to be his friend, you're gonna miss a great deal from the friendship.

Just because he’s/she's kind to you, it doesn’t mean he’s/she's courting you. There are people who are naturally sweet and kind. There are people who are innately good and no matter how wicked you seem, they just find it so easy to be kind to you. It doesn't mean he is courting you. Don't put yourself through unnecessary stress trying to figure out if he's courting you or not. Because I think if he is, you won't have to guess, you'll know and you'll be very certain about it.

Just because he/she talks to you a lot, doesn’t mean that he/she loves you! Puhhhlease.You don't befriend a person if you absolutely abhor him, right? Chances are, you make sense when he talks to you, or you're probably very patient listening to him. The two of you probably connect on some level but why does it always have to be assumed to be romantic? Being two intelligent, mature human beings, you need to accept that it's nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating conversation, and that you don't have to automatically put romantic connotation to it. Relieve yourself of the pressure. It's just coffee and a shared interest

Just because your friend is cute or hot, you love him already! This is the most amusing thing that hit me lately. People always assume that because your friend is cute or should I say, hot (because cute is a word you describe your high school crush while hot is a word you use to describe a hunk). Let me just say this, at least from my own personal experience, I haven't gone blind. I can still appreciate God's creation! However, there will always be weird things, crazy things, stupid things that will keep you, believe me, from having a crush on him. First of all, you'd know his history with women, enough to judge what's good for you. Second, don't you just hate it when a guy who's absolutely always put together, who looks intelligent enough pronounces the word country as "kawntri" and the word hello as "alo alo". Call me crazy for judging a person just because he can't pronounce these words right. I admit, I'm crazy.

Just because you hang out with each other most of the time, you'd end up being boyfriend-girlfriend. Self-explanatory... There are a thousand, no million different reasons why things don't always turn out that way. There is no one proven formula. For all we know, the reason why he likes hanging out with you is because he likes getting fashion tips from you. He probably plans on being a fashionista himself and he needs a mentor...hahaa! LOL

A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarily equate to a date. Especially, if you’re paying for your share. No. Hello? Three things to consider: the place, the topic and how the two of you actually planned to meet. First, how it was planned. If it were a date, expect that he would ask you out at least three days before the actual date to give you some lead time, to give you the notion that you are not just a filler on his schedule. Second, the place. If it were a real date, the both of you would want real food and a place where you could really talk things through. And third, the time. Don't go out with a guy to a movie on Saturday night if you're really serious about him. Going to a movie is more like treating him like a "filler" just because you had nothing to do on a Saturday night so you might as well go out.

I therefore conclude that platonic relationships are never complicated. People just have tendencies to complicate them. I think it's the long acquaintance, the mutual trust and respect, the fine gestures, and being informed with those tiney little details about eachothers that pushes platnoic relationships that wa.

Ego-centerism

A hundred things about me:

• 1. I do wear glasses.
• 2. I and even sun ones. I think glasses are sexy.
• 3. I’m a bit left handed as well as right handed.
• 4. I’m not a handy girl. I save my hands for more interesting jobs.
• 5. I’ve a hairy head, and it sucks at times to manage.
  
• 6. I’ve been the thin kid.
• 7. I’ve been a badminton player. I like playing both badminton and table tennis.
  
• 8. I won a badminton championship.
• 9. I used to be the school’s butterfly.
• 10. I prefer chocolate to vanilla, but I always say the opposite. I love devouring into ice cream.
  
• 11. I have really REALLY huge feet, and no I’m not implying anything else other than feet.
• 12. I have a mole on my nose and my left foot is black.
• 13. I smile, though put on serious look sometimes.
• 14. I laugh at silly jokes...hard.
• 15. I’m very good at making friends.
• 16. I’m so much of an introvert.
• 17. I get self-conscious very easily.
• 18. I break into tears on attending flawless performances.
• 19. I find it quite tough to hold grudge for long ( I think of that as a problem).
• 20. I like one of my brothers a little bit more than the other. And no I’m not telling which.
• 21. I think the sexiest thing about a man would be an exaggerated simplicity and not trying too much to look hip hop.
• 22. Voice would come 2^nd sexiest thing about a man.
• 23. I find texts/voices more erotic than graphical stimuli.
• 24. I love Evanescence blindly.
• 25. I listen to all kinds of music.
• 26. I always try to put myself in others’ shoes. Which stinks by the way. But its better to have our own individualism.
  
• 27. I have longest hair exceeding my bums.
• 28. No, I’m not the smartest person I’ve ever met. But I’m one of the smartest gal I’ve ever met though.
• 29. I’m not anti-islamist, and I’m not pro-islamist either.
• 30. I find socialism quite interesting.
• 31. I believe Hitler was pretty cute.
• 32. I love being a tease.
• 33. I love my family. The small one that is.
• 34. I’m a lovable gal.
• 35. I can cook!
• 36. I’ve never sat the house on fire while cooking.
• 37. I adore reading.
• 38. I’m very multi-tasking.
• 39. I can be in two places at the same time.
• 40. I talk to voices in my head. Mhmm, or were those my headphones?
• 41. I had my heart broken once, at least.
• 42. No, I don’t think it’s that bad.
• 43. I’m not good at physical fights, since I hate punching people in the face and sensitive areas. A dork eh? lol
  
• 44. I’m hopelessly romantic, or used to be.
• 45. I’ve never had a drop of alcohol, neither have I had a breath of smoke.
• 46. No of course never been on drugs, DUH!
• 47. I don’t wanna live “too” much. Would be a bummer.
• 48. I’m sure about my sexual orientation, thank you very much.
• 49. Freezing time is the superpower I crave to have. Healing is a good secondary.
• 50. I react to the international events up to illness.
• 51. Yes I day-dream. What do you mean “alot” ??
• 52. I’m a slow english reader, last time I checked 122 words/ minute.
• 53. Last IQ test I had, I scored 131. So no, I’m not a genius.
• 54. I sometimes grow my finger nails.
• 55. I know how to swim.
• 56. I find porn movies hilarious.
• 57. I’ve been to the ICU room before. As a patient.
• 58. I majorly fall sick almost all the time.
• 59. I find sleep a waste of time. But tell that to my addictive receptors.
• 60. I am in risk of DM, Hypertension, Ischemic heart diseases, and Atherosclerosis... I guess.
• 61. I love watching cartoons.
• 62. I don’t have any piercings/tattoes. My skin is pretty enough!
• 63. I usually get away with bad things I’ve done. But I get punished for what I haven’t. So I think it’s fair enough.
• 64. I have traveled through plane many times.
• 65. I love trains. Just LOVE’em.
• 66. I prefer sneakers to shoes.
• 67. I let myself be walked allover by others, unintentionally.
• 68. Um, yes I have an okay self-esteem.
• 69. I didn’t always want to be a biochemist.
• 70. I drive both cars and bikes
  
• 71. I didn’t have a bike until I was 11.
• 72. My best physical feature is my long hairy head.
• 73. I hate snobs, wanna-be’s, ignorants, hypocrites, cowards, leeches, inappropriately horney’s, exhibtionists, pimps, drama-queens/kings, loose-lips, and biased persons.
• 74. I despise egotist.
  
• 75. I don’t have a certain fetish, not that I know.
• 76. Yes I wanna be rich!
• 77. No I never believed in shortcuts, not until last year no.
• 78. I drink loads of water.
• 79. I’m a very lazy person.
• 80. I love hot showers, I love the feeling I get right after them as well.
• 81. No I don’t like to stare at my body!! You freak!
• 82. I went fishing once with dad. Never caught anything...alive.
• 83. I’ve never had a grandpa. I came too late.
• 84. I have the weirdest english accent you’ll ever hear.
• 85. I prefer cats over dogs.
• 86. I don’t believe in horoscopes, but I think they are pretty funny.
• 87. I don’t like it when people tell me that I’m so0 like someone, or remind them of someone.
• 88. I sleep in prone position, and get buffy eyes. I cover my ears. My sleep is very light. I don’t cross my legs. And I don’t complain about food.
• 89. I like all sorts of cuisine.
• 90. My wildest dream? Well at the moment, is to seal your lips up together.
• 91. Yeah I know there’s only 10 to go.
• 92. Stupid guys turn me right off. Stupid gals? ummm .... even they!
  
• 93. I was out of India many times.
• 94. No silly, sex isn’t everything. Fore and afterplay are!
• 95. I’ve never fired a real gun.lol. but would love to shoot freaky heads.
  
• 96. I think flowers should be left uncut.
• 97. I scratch the tip of my nose when I’m nervous/irritated/ can’t find anything to say.
• 98. Nope, I never lie. I might however precept the truth differently, that doesn’t count as a lie. Just different version.
• 99. I walk like a cat. I never fall like one though.
  
• 100. I believe in God. I believe in all his messages. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate, angels, demons, and spirits. I believe in the after world, heavens and hell. And it always added much to my points of view, never the contrary.

First entry

"Sometimes, I cannot take this place

Sometimes, it's my life I can't taste

Sometimes, I cannot feel my face

You'll never see me fall from grace"~~Korn-Freak On A Leash