And then from time to time, one has to go through a phase of feeling low - sometimes with reason, sometimes for no reason - it just hits you for timepass because “Hey! You’ve had such a long, blemish-less phase of feeling high! Guys let’s get her!” ‘Cut-to’ moments when you find yourself sitting with your chin resting on your palm, or sitting on the sofa, absentmindedly staring at the formations on the mosaic floor, looking at nothing, feeling nothing in particular.
And in that phase, you find yourself become a passenger of the bus, rather than the driver of this bus called 'life'. From cutting through a day, embracing and grabbing and tackling and devouring and making an experience of each thing that makes up your routine day, you imperceptibly transform into one that goes through the motions of the same routines. Much like how a coin might feel in a slot machine. Or a drop of water that gets jostled and knocked over the edge of some water fall. The feel sometimes render me to quit everything and disappear from this world.
You go through an entire week or even months on end feeling low but not knowing why. Sometimes not really sure if you actually are feeling low. Not really sure if you are not. Just a state of daze and drifting.
Today I'm feeling very low for no profound reason. Most times when it is indeed a decidedly low phase like today's, I have never found the reason, the why, but I think I know why in a lateral sort of perspective.
You can never appreciate the importance of 'someone', unless his/ her absence is felt and understood. You may never know what a great professor you had yesterday if you did not have a lousy professor today. You may never apprehend the good times until and unless you go through the bad ones. You may never appreciate the food on the table unless you have felt the weakness caused by hunger at some phase of your life. And you may never appreciate your wealth-or the pay cheque you get today-if that hunger was caused because you could not buy food to eat!
We need a reference point. Every low phase is preparing you for a higher experience of happiness. A higher state of being. An ability to cherish and find more joy.
Ah! but that is all fine. I know am talking too much today! I might be sounding like a saint! LOL! But these feelings are crapping my head and as usual my fingers seem unstoppable- they have gone and taken me quite off course. Help me get out of it!! Someone pleaseeee!
Those are the usual things that strike all of us living this so called 'life'-work, friction with those that you love and subsequent heart-burn, the responsibilities that you have that you are not happy about the way you are shouldering them…you know the rest.
I guess, its time to wrap this up, 'cause at one point of time I don't seeming to understand why I am writing this and what I am thinking of... My heart seems to miss someone badly, mind- surrendered wholesomely in front of heart. Understood? I know, it makes no sense to you but means a lot to me!
