Just wondering

what I once was
I will never be again.
what I am
I have never been
and never will...
isn’t it strange
that I never am
what I really am?...

Love ^ happiness

Love and happiness do not overlap by definition...
they only intersect now and then.
And yet,
not having loved at all
is a greater loss
than
being safely unaware of such beauty and torment.
After all...
happiness is desirable
but not essential.
An intense living though is.
So one can keep searching
for deeper farther meanings in life.

amniotic circle vs dusty square

we come in waters
and leave
in dust…
we come perfectly rounded
and leave
imperfectly cornered…
life then must be
the end
of perfection.
and death…
just a gap towards the beginning.

lost and found

it is not when we are lost
that we suffer most...
but when we find
that we are responsible
for what we shall become.

nonsensical

every now and then
I simply wish
life made sense.
aside from the one I give.
or ...better yet
take.

I hate myself

If I could become two persons right now, so that Pissed Off Naaz beat up Procrastinator Idiot Stupid Lazy Naaz, then believe me I would.

I would love to sit me down and give me a piece of my [other] mind, while of course dispersing the talking-to with quite a bit of obscenities. And the thing is, I'd deserve it. I'd deserve MORE.

For almost TWO MONTHS now, I've known about a PhD entrance test cum scholarship that I would like to apply for, and all this time, I didn't check up the dates. Its more than a week that I'm still feeling bad about it.

Man I am the loser of the century.

AND LOOK. I'm writing a damn BLOG POST!!!

Will I ever learn?

I DOUBT IT.

And so the race against time continues...

fear-less

fear of the known
exceeds fear of the unknown…
if the former translates
into betrayal
loneliness
or simply
unlove.

To know is to lose.
~D.H.Lawrence

flowers are red

"Flowers are red
Green leaves are green
There's no need to see flowers any other way
Than they way they always have been seen"

Why should we see things the way it has always been seen? Why not the way we want to see?

amazing

Eye of the Tigerrrrrrrr!!

sweet!

Fed up

Will someone please, PLEASE explain to me, just what, WHAT is so gravely wrong, so unnatural, so indecent about being an ambitious, young woman with the ability, desire and drive to marry later whenever she feels like and to move to another country alone, where she will be living as a single expat (oh the horror, oh the shock), solely for the carrier and experience factor?

WHAT about all of that makes me so unnatural, hopeless and 'corrupted' to a blinded, older generation that are incapable of seeing any farther than their prejudiced, crooked, hooked noses?

Also, what happened to the age-old adage, which I've taken the liberty to edit, slightly; 'If you have nothing nice to say, then keep your thoughts to yourself and SHUT THE HELL UP.'

Or or...how about...'When I want your opinion, I'll be sure to YELL FOR IT AND BEG YOU TO SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT. Otherwise, again, I repeat, SHUT THE HELL UP.'

If myself and my immediate family members are understanding, supportive and accepting of my decision to CREATE A LIFE FOR MYSELF, then I really do not appreciate the backwardness of this society shoving their displaced prejudices and misunderstandings of the accepted societal norms and traditions down our throats. Our only concern should be having to deal with missing one another, and most definitely NOT with 'what people are going to say and think.' But heck. these people are corrupting my family members heads. I wonder what would befall.

I'm a person with plans. I'm not going to sit back and dream about them one day coming true. I'm going to make sure they come true, and I'm going to actively work on ensuring that things happen for me. If that makes me abnormal, atypical, destined to forever sprint down the wrong and evil path, inappropriate, stupid for turning my back on the comforts of irresponsible living, deviant even...then so be it!

tears are the words my heart
uses to explain when even my
fake smiles cant cover up my pain

m-old

we mold ourselves
freely at first…
we are
what we want to be...
but then,
'tick tock'…
the clay hardens
and dries us up
in a shape we cannot escape from...
and we are
only
what we became.

freak on a leash

Shadows

We are no other than a moving row
Of Magic Shadow-shapes that come and go
Round with the Sun-illumin'd Lantern held
In Midnight by the Master of the Show
~ Omar Khayyám; Edward FitzGerald

An ode to the art of silliness

My niece likes to sing

She'd be sitting in the drawing room, with her dad, riveting all her senses on to that jigsaw puzzle, until she arranges it right. As my room is close to the drawing room and the door is wide open, as is mine, and we're each on our respective tasks - her tools are a jigsaw cards, toys and toys. My tools are my flying fingers, my desktop keyboard and my books scattered around - she sings, and I continue along.

And all the while, she's be singing to herself and I can hear her, singing it out:

kabhi kabhi aditi .....zindagi mein yuhi.... apna lagta hai
kabhi kabhi aditi woh bichad jaaye to.... lagta hai

kabhi kabhi to lage zindagi mein rahi naa khushi aur naa mazaa
kabhi kabhi to lage....................

Sometimes she switches, and starts singing nursery rhymes:

elley the elephant goes
this way and that
she is so very big
she is so very fat........

And then she continues with her song:

aise mein koi kaise muskuraye kaise hass de khush hoke aur kaise koi soch le everything gonna be okay

sonch zara jaane jaa tujhko hum kitna chahte hai
raat ke baad hi to savera hota hai..

(Then she hums a little 'cause I don't think she knows the words)

In response, I start playing in my iTunes the songs she's singing, and I blasted for her.

That's her cue to toss aside all her things and toy stuffs. In seconds, she's in my room, and I, also in response, jump out of my chair, and of course, we start dancing. And we start jumping from one bed to its sister bed before falling and twisting our ankles.

With the music reverberating throughout the house, it grasps my mother's attention, and she scurries downstairs to see what all the fuss is about. My brother subsequently start screaming and we just nod our heads in agreement. And after some time, she return back to my room asking to play it again.

This time, we started producing strange, scary noises and scared the hell outta everyone!

Man! that kid cracks me up!

Anger Management Therapy

aaaahhhh

I have been carving so long looking various means to vent down my anger and I think blogging is just the place!

It was just another terrific day. I was strucked in the damn traffic for like 5 HOURS!! on the same route which takes not more than 15 minutes to travel and had a so called near death experience of a life time. Okay! here's a quick sneek peek, I was driving my car back home from lab. The the day was splendidly marvellous with that quenching sun and unbearable 40 degree heat. I drove happily for few minutes and thats when I found myself in traffic I definitely had no reason to be stuck in! It's one thing to be caught in traffic but its just another thing to be caught in traffic that is UNNECESSARY!

If I would have been late for about quarter minute, sure that bastard lorry driver would have knocked my car down. And tell you what, it is not something new in Hyderabad now. Whether you see a BMW or some tin can with wheels, you have a maverick driver behind the wheel. Every one happily violates the traffic rules. If you try to follow these "nonexistent" rules, others make you look like a chump. There is total disregard for others' safety. Traffic signals do not mean anything more than blipping lights around the corner. I sometimes, don't figure whether it's just a mad rush or men trying to get their pregnant wives to a hospital, everyone seems to be in crisis to reach "somewhere" in a jiffy.

This is a pretty common sight you getto see in Hyderabad

aberration

what we feel
is always more than what it is…
we are greedy by nature
and thus
we get the more
instead of the truth.

Indirectional evolution

I'm penning down some of my idiotic cognitive content in here...

warning: long post which would definitely end you brainless

How would you get from here, between levels, to the next level? I mean, how do short-lived bipeds of mediocre intelligence, gossip-mongers, delusional mob thinkers and actors--how do we get there from here?

Virtually nothing in nature travels by straight line. The same is true for evolution. Evolution twists and turns like a lazy river. Watching a slow moving river on a quiet day you would never guess at all the floods, torrents, and deluges. Observe a branching evolutionary tree. Cover the top half with a sheet of paper and ask someone to predict which of the lower branches will survive to the top level. You are tempted to say that one cannot get there from here, going from the root to the uppermost branch. But you can indeed trace the maze-like connection, once you see to the top.

A man drives along a rainy street at night, trying to see through the thick falling drops to the street where he must turn. He sees that he is almost to the street and begins his turn-but something makes him pause. Suddenly a motorcycle with dim headlights surprises the man and bursts through the rain. The motorcycle passes through the space the man's car would have occupied if he had proceeded to turn. Why did the man pause his turn?

Another man puzzles over a scientific problem. He cannot make head nor tail of the problem no matter how he thinks about it. Then, while the man is sleeping before a fire, in a dream, the solution comes to him. What caused the answer to suddenly appear in a dream?

A third man struggles to climb a sheer cliff, hundreds of feet off the ground. He is tired and in a precarious position. He has to move and as he moves suddenly he feels himself start to fall. He tries to compensate but his imbalance gets worse. Suddenly he relaxes and his body moves, as if on its own, precisely to the position that allows him to recover and move on. Why did he relax when he was in danger of falling, and why did letting go of his rigid mental grip allow his "mindless body" to recover?

We can try to picture the path we need to follow in becoming next level humans. But we cannot see enough of the maze to see through to the end. Perhaps we are holding on too rigidly to our present concepts, preventing us from making the transition to concepts that would facilitate growth. Our evolution may not be smooth. Like a river, we may have to live through the floods and deluges. Ice dams may have to break to release enough hydraulic power to shape our future selves.

Some of the answers may come to us in our sleep. We will forget most of them in our "waking" to everyday life. Some of us may remember a few things. What we do with the things we remember will determine how smoothly we can make the change.

Next level humans will arrive via lateral thinking and indirection. Edward de Bono has written several books on the lateral thinking methods of problem solving, although I could get hold of few of his books online. As we learn more about how the human brain actually works we will learn better ways of using it. Then, as we learn how the human genome shapes the human brain in concert with the larger environment, we will learn better ways of making smarter humans. That frightens a lot of people.

That is because most humans are easily frightened. Most humans will not be capable of stepping beyond themselves. The habit of thinking with the group, of seeking reassurance from the group, will hold them back. Next level humans will be fiercely independent. And the next next levels will be too independent to want to use their potency to control masses of primitives and between levels. They have places to go, things to do, and much to learn.

Humans are not rational in the way computers are rational. Humans are much more. Human minds function in an indirect manner. Emotions are at the heart of the human mind. Deep within the human mind, apparently another mind resides, a mind capable of solving problems that the superficial mind has difficulty solving directly. The deeper, more indirect, mind has trouble communicating with the superficial mind. Bridging that communications gap is just one problem that independent and intelligent between-levels need to solve, to evolve.

discrimination

The mind hunts,
the heart harvests.
Therein lies
the difference
between us
and
our true selves.

bla bla bla

Alright, today I'm in a mood to babble.

*what to blog on*

*what to blog on*

*what to blog on*

enough!

AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I keep opening this damn blog to BLOG and I keep getting stuck after the first damn paragraph. This has been happening for almost TWO WEEKS already. It's DRIVIN' ME NUTS. So many bloggable things have occurred lately, and I can't switch my laziness off enough to DO anything about it.

Like look for example, I just wrote this around 30 minutes ago:

I had been distracted from blogging and just not in the mood to acknowledge the existence of this rambling environment of my eerie nieces and nephew any longer, but somehow, I have made it. So here I am complaining about it. And seeing as 'complaining' is an art I have honed to perfection over the years, I see nothing wrong with writing a whiny post for my own personal satisfaction.

I wrote that in approximately 3.5 minutes, then for the remaining 26.5 minutes, I picked at a scab, twirled my hair around my finger till the finger turned blue and practiced touching my nose with my toe, LOL (it is so much easier to touch your right toe to your nose than your left toe, have you noticed?? check out and do tell me lol). I just can't be bothered to write, and that's seeping into all my other writing assignments, which absolutely sucks because I'm working on a presentation currently.

Ok what am I on about right now...where was I?

So yeah, blogging has somehow turned into another chore and that's never blogging's intention, is it?

Still, seeing as I'm actually WRITING this, who knows? This might get the ball rolling again and I might have the energy/inclination/desire/whatever to finally sit down and blog about. Like, how I was laughing on floor when I learned that my brother was locked up in bathroom for one hour. I know, I'm evil! *devilish laugh*

Also in today's news: I received one of those random compliments that you don't realize is a compliment until at least 8 or 9 seconds have passed, and then when you DO realize its value, a warm fuzzy feeling starts in your toes (that have just touched your nose) and travels all the way up to your ear tips. Compliment appeared as follows:

Naaz: Blah blah blah bah, and right now, she's acting like she's my best friend, which is so disturbing and totally driving me nuts.
Compliment Giver: Hehehehehe....poor you. A lot of people like to act like they're your new best friend.
Naaz: Hahahaha, that's such a funny statement! (pause, approx. 8 or 9 sec.) Oh wait, I think that's a compliment.

That was supposedly a compliment, uh? what-so-ever. However, Compliment Giver could not settle with simply complimenting me and making my day. Nope...compliment giver had to take warm fuzzy feeling away as quickly as it was bestowed. (Oh I wish I was an anonymous blogger *sigh*)

Anyways, I'll be back as I will probably get bored of being bored of the blog and hence will become unbored of the blog once more.

I am so confusing.

When/ If

For bilingual people out there…

when you - and if you actually do - think, what language do you usually think in?

Random thought

Yesterday was my niece's birthday. I bought her a box of crayons as her b'day present.
And it just made me wonder...

We could learn
a lot from crayons,
they are all different colours
and yet they live in the
same box.

Living miracle, human

human

born to perfection
and dying imperfectly
alone.
with the hopes of the after
and visions of forever.

Time to talk....

Dear pimples,

Please stop visiting my face,

I seriously don't understand you all. You need to decide, once and for all, how exactly you plan to proceed. You've already came far too many times over the course of the past few years, forcing me to stay indoors against my very nature, in order to cradle the pile of dead skin you nonchalantly shower down making my skin colorless and back and damn so painful, and I can't afford to lose anymore skin to your unreasonable whims.

I will not tolerate 'But I can't help protruding!' as an excuse any longer. I suggest you take the time to think this over and then act accordingly. It is up to you whether you choose to consider this a warning or a threat. Suffice to say, that I will no longer be showing any leniency. You do not want to suffer the consequences should I wake up one day, happen to glance in the mirror, and decide that I am fed up with the attitude you have been giving me. Remember, I can always go to some dermatologist and remove you!

Keep that in mind.

Yours,
The Fed Up Proprietress

grasp...

fingertips…
most sensitive to touch…yet
it takes the entire hand
to hold and protect.
much like love.
and loyalty.

when infinity is wounded
in its very heart
we become aware
we are not loved anymore

Itinerary of my Life

This past month, I’ve had plenty to blog about, but no time to indulge in the therapeutic pastime that blogging has become.

To put it mildly, it’s been a pretty busy especially these 'weeks'.

In no particular order, I’ve:

• NOT Slept. Not more than a total of 2 hours. In 3 weeks. I know, I have developed a serious chronic insomnia.
• Fallen down a flight of stairs, passed out for about 4.3 seconds and experienced a mild concussion.
• Spent way too much time staring the rain drops falling down on bemire through my room's window . Those are minutes – no, hours – that I was delusionally thinking on silly senseless things.
• Working madly on the report which I need to submit by the end of August.
• Belly danced my way in front of the mirror into a minor cardiac arrest, it felt like.
• Dashed a car while reversing my car back during parking. And called the car's owner an idiot for parking his car at wrong place and all while the policeman around surreptitiously ignored my existence, inspite it was that car owner's mistake.
• Spent an entire 30 minutes fuming at the incompetence of a lab attender from my lab, and when the 30 minutes were over, reached the conclusion that I require anger management therapy. ASAP.
• Gotten married, apparently, and immediately produced 13 children, all of whom have very eerie smiles. (Oooohhh, you’re gonna LOVE this one.) You see, I have been thinking a lot on this matter of producing a large spawn LOL, least after having observed my own brother for raising three monsterous kids.
• Been hired as a baby sitter(can you believe it??) where all I have to do is play there and scream at those monsterous creatures (I am so good at screaming). And spend my precious time looking after them (why on earth am doing this after all?). I seriously got to find some way out.
• Decided that this year, the priorities are reading novels, reading novels, reading novels and reading novels. Boredom will never be an option.
  

In conclusion, I vow to provide detailed posts explaining all of the above. Especially, the baby sitting stories where those three *ahmmm monsters...* woops, did I tell monsters...Oh, I mean angels are making my life a very happy place to live. *smiles forcibly*

Game

Life...
a strange game.
Sometimes the only winning move
is not to
Play...

Appreciate

I guess I could be really pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

Can you make out from which movie that quote was? I remember, when I first watched that movie I couldn't make head or tail of those words. I guess now, I understand.

Oh I wish...

Sometimes I wish I were a 'Cloud'
to wonder freely away
from my skin
from my mind
from my thoughts.
And when I get tired
I would rest on the 'Rainbow'
thus I shall be
the most colorful
the most amazing
the most precious 'Cloud'
ever seen.
Too bad,
I am just 'myself'

Life and death

Death
is just a matter of time...
Life
is a time that matters temporarily

I'm with you

Im standing on the bridge
Im waiting on the dark
I thought that you'd be here
by now
Ther's nothing but the rain
no foot steps on the ground
Im listening but ther's
no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me
Won't somebody come take me home

it's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I
Im with you
Im with you

Im looking for a place
Im searching for a face
Is anybody here
I know

Cause nothing's going right And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be
alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me
Won't somebody come take me home

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Oh

Why is every thing so confusing? Maybe Im just out of my mind

Yeah yeah yeah...

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you
Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't Know Who You are
But I
Im with you
Im with you

Useless pieces of information

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten. (Naaz's take: I can think of a few cat-lover buddies of mine who would be interested in this random piece of info.)

The common goldfish is the only animal that can see both infra-red and ultraviolet light. (Naaz's take: I will be using this piece of information the next time someone tells me I have the attention span/memory of a gold fish. Somehow, I'll be able to incorporate this info, I'm sure of it.)

It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound. (I've never tried lobster. I wonder if I'd like it? Is it too fishy??)

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. (Naaz's take: Perfect example of random piece of info that is pretty useless. Except now, I'll be thinking of Leo everytime I pick up a pair of scissors, I'm sure of it!)

An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes. (Naaz's take: Attacked by an iguana? Thinking of how to save yourself? We don't recommend death by drowning. It would take a while.)

And you know what? I came to know today from a magazine that South Africa is the only country with three official capitals: Pretoria, Cape Town and Bloemfontein.

Tired, simply tired of everything...

I'm tired
Tired of everything

This intense feeling is killing me almost, the feeling of ignominy is roaring high inside of me; so high that it is not letting me do what I can and what I really want!

Oh God Oh! How I really wish I disappear from this world...

Some kind of letter

I read this long time ago, and infact I have posted this earlier. I still find it interesting. In case you haven't read it please do, and don't jump to the end, read every line of it.
Naaz
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi,
As you got up this morning,

I watched you and hoped you would talk to me,
even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for
something good that happened in your life yesterday - but I noticed you were to busy trying to find the right outfit to put on and wear to work.

I waited again.

When you ran around the house getting ready I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy.
At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me
but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip.

I watched as you went to work and I waited patiently all day long.
With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me.

I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, you glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't.

That's okay. There is still more time left, and I have hope that you will talk to me... yet you went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do.

After a few of them were done you turned on the TV,
I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there and you spent a lot of time each day in front of it, not thinking about anything - just enjoying the show.

I waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your meal...
but again you didn't talk to me.

Bedtime - I guess you felt too tired.
After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time.

That's okay
because you may not realize
that I am always there for you.
I've got patience
more than you will ever know.
I even want to teach you
how to be patient with others as well.
I love you so much
that I wait everyday for a nod,
prayer or thought or a thankful part of your heart.
It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.

Well you are getting up again and once again I will wait with nothing but love for you hoping that today you will give me some time.
Have a nice day!
Your friend,
God

AM OVER IT!!

blind folded

weary with REALITY
we are aware
we need some DREAMS
to cope with it.
we fold the corners of the eye
and hold the magic
until it gets too OLD!

wondering....

when do we grow up
to be
so little
of what we once were
and so much
of what we never wanted to be?...

Damn! So very apt! LOL

I believe I can fly

PS: Oh did'nt I tell you that I like Madonna's songs too. And this one is my fav! I just love the video!!! and ofcourse even the song

On Not Giving Up

Failed at something? Good

Failed again? Excellent

You are a lucky devil you know,
to be learning from the best teacher
in the whole world.

Because that's what failure really is,
A teacher,
A rung in the ladder,
A clever device to test,
your talent,
your courage,
your thirst for success.
And if you persevere and push,
And hang on long enough,
And grit your teeth,
And still manage to smile,
you will bask in the sunshine.
What's more? You will sleep well at night.

There is a difference between knowing failure and knowing failure.

PS: These inspirational words are from one of the poster in my lab. I kinda liked it!

Muffled Screamssss

Am very much frustrated today for no obvious reason. It is one of those days when you just feel like you want to EXPLODE!

Sometimes. Just sometimes. Not all the times, I feel the urge to SCREAM!!
I feel this is the best way to let out all the stress, anger and accumulated feelings that have been bottled up inside of you for so long!

A scream for each time I smiled and nodded my head when someone cuts in front of my car in a traffic jam!

For every time I felt disrespected or mistreated and just didn't speak up.

For all those disappointing moments in my life.

A Scream of REgret, Anger, Frustration, STRESS!

For all those times I felt disappointed!

For all the times I felt USED!!

Scream till my vocal cords can scream no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaahhhhhhh
SO LOUD that my ear drums feel like they are going to burst!

SREAM for soo long...
let all these negative feelings out of my system..
till suddenly I'm surrounded by a peaceful sense of serenity....
a feeling of safety...
all i hear is the sound of nothingness....
nothing but a LOUD SILENCE...

I know, in reality its kind of inappropriate to scream like that or I'll be officially seen as a psychopath! Just pass me a pillow it will do for now!!! ARGH?!!!

I just love this song!

Well, uh, how is me? Am Okay. Things are just the same, except that am keeping myself busy with my lab work- in a way trying NOT to think MORE.

As I laid back on my bed reminiscing... I ended up humming this song... I love it!

nothingness

I have nothing to say in particular.
This is another phase of my life when I'm THIS low.
I feel as if I'm hit by some sort of axe.
I have got used to it.
Because, this is'nt the first time.

I make my own destiny!

Many people believe that God casted every individual soul into 'destinies'? But did you ever wonder that why is He 'testing' us after all? If He has already decided that we are going to do so and so 'good deed' and so and so 'bad deed' in our 'life', then why testing?

The Noble Quran ascribes a free and active role to man, describing him as capable of consciously fashioning his own destiny with a knowledge of good and bad, ugly and beautiful, and the capacity to choose between them.

We have shown the path to man, and he is free to choose the right path and be thankful or to choose the path of ingratitude. (76:3) Whoever wishes for the eternal abode and strives for it as needed will find his efforts rewarded. (17:19)

Whenever we fail to reach our goals and ideals, for whatever reason, we blame our "luck", "destiny," "fate" albeit, our choice which we took, our improper use of intellect and knowledge and other powers.
Therefore...

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped”

Although, there are certain factors which controls our destiny...

1. It often happens that we decides to do something but however hard we tries, we somehow, sometimes are unable to accomplish it. The reason for this is not that God's will opposes itself to our will and prevents us from doing what we wishes. It is rather that in such cases some unknown external factor which lies beyond the scope of our knowledge and control creates obstacles in our way and prevents us from attaining our goals.

2. God has set billions of factors to work in the order of being. Sometimes those factors are apparent to us, at other times they remain unknown to us and cannot be incorporated in our calculations. This, too, relates to fate and destiny, but not only does it not result in depriving our free will or prevent us from striving to attain satisfaction in life; it also guides us in both thought and activity and imbues the very depths of our being with greater vitality. We seeks to augment our knowledge and identify, as precisely as possible, the factors that pave the way for attaining greater success in life. Belief in fate and destiny is then a potent factor in advancing ourselves towards our aims and ideals.

3. Our destinies change when the factors and causes regulating them change-what appears to be eternal and immutable changes in accordance with a change in our conduct and acts. Just as material factors can reshape our destiny, non-material factors may also elicit new phenomena or happening that is through a change in causes and circumstances, God will decree that a new phenomenon will appear, more beneficial than the phenomenon it has replaced.

Impatient, that is me

Patience is the ability to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset, or to preserve calmly when faced with difficulties

Impatience is an opposite of patience or having a lack of patience.

Being patient is one of the hardest feats in the world for me to master. I am just unable to put something out of my head and wait patiently for it to resolve itself – it makes me feel antsy and in a perpetual limbo of nothingness that's going nowhere. I'm sure that makes absolutely no sense to you, but basically, I feel like climbing walls and scraping stone with my bare nails in order to find answers to questions that are plaguing me. Or to have something I want happen to just happen already.

So. Like I said. Impatient. That's me.

I consider it a terrible vice. My impatience, that is. And right now, I am being forced to be patient about so many different issues. It's driving me nuts.

And if you think about it, there are the short-term issues to be patient about, which are all keeping me up at night of course because I just can't let things be, and then there's the long-term issues you are forced to be patient about as well, because it may be years before you get what you want, if you're able to be patient enough to keep persevering at accomplishing your goals. It's like being stuck in a pile of mud, unable to move in any direction.

I AM LOSING IT OVER HERE.

I am sure this makes no sense but it's okay, I'm a selfish blogger. Have a little patience for me, will ya?

I Love Egg Song!

Condescending Phrases...

...To use against those who annoy you to your nerves!!

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
12. No, my powers can only be used for good.
13. How about never? Is never good for you?
14. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
15. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
16. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
17. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
18. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
19. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
20. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
21. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
22. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

dead end

I feel like I have come to a dead end....

family guy

I miss watching family guy.

Back then when I was in Abu Dhabi, I never missed a single episode of 'family guy'. For those who don't know what the h-e-c-k family guy is, here this video. It reminds me of my childhood! I used to always do this! LOL to my mom and brothers!!

I know, I'm so evil!! :P *evil laugh* buwahahaaa

like us...

shoes of many journeys...
old
young
brief
long
hers
his
all bearing nothing
but
the visible signs
of the invisible paths.

keeping fit...

we try to fit in
or don't...
either way
we end up being insignificant...
as far as eternity is concerned
or
as close as history can see.

Can you beleive that? Reporter gene imaging!

I was swayed away knowing about human embryonic stem cells (hESCs) when I was in high school and I think its discovery has dramatically increased the tools available to medical scientists interested in regenerative medicine, however, as we know that things don't seem to be that easy, the direct injection of hESCs, and cells differentiated from hESCs, into living organisms has far been hampered by significant cell death, teratoma formation, and host immune rejection. Understanding the in vivo hESC behavior after transplantation requires novel imaging techniques to longitudinally monitor hESC localization, proliferation, and viability.

I found this amazing 10 minutes video clip from Stanford University School of Medicine in which they shown how in each stem cell, transcription and translation of luciferase into bioactive light-emitter was detected with sensitive, noninvasive instrumentation (CCD cameras from Caliper) directly in alive, sleeping animals.

What more? Just enjoy watching that wonderful clip!

dignity

There are few people
who are so quite
that we have to stop and dig deep
in their eyes
to hear their pain

Science goes gaming!! Well, it is a game!

I just saw a remarkable take on an age-old problem: Protein Folding.
David Baker at the University of Washington converted the problem of protein folding into an interactive game that we can play. Just imagine!! A game!! Check it out at Fold.it (currently beeing /. to death)

Smart they! They’re actually trying to train us like a neural network of sorts- first we learn to fold known protein structures, and then the group will release new “puzzles” of unknown or unreleased structures and see how the the borg collective does against other folding projects .

PhD comics

This SITE is dedicated to all those people who wana be a BOFFIN like moi

Suicidal thoughts!

Have u ever felt that you didn't fit in?! Like you are a stranger in this world? Feared death yet longed for it soo much?? IS death really the answer? Some people who commit suicide think by doing that their horrible life is over. Suicide is not the answer I know

PS: Bemused? don't be! 'Well, that was just a thought. you know...

maturity?

I've been told that I'm older than my age. Umm... may be that my experiences in life have made me more mature than most people my age. Don't know if that is a good thing. Huh? I've also been told that I could be too nice and trusting that gives out the impression that I'm "childish" or " immature"LOL. hmmm... make up your mind people?!?!

Well i know what I am. I am mature enough to sit there with a 40/50/ 60 year with no problem having a deep meaningful conversation. Childish enough to spend hours playing with kids and making all sorts of goofy noises. teehheee

What does maturity mean?
It only means that you are now acting MORE aware of how crappy life is!! After that realization of the abundance of deception, cruelty, backstabbing, selfishness, immorality, destruction, fakeness, poverty, jealousy, greed.. etc..etc. Its hard to be gullible, trusting, positive and all those braidy bunch & legally blonde feelings!

You realize how stupid you were thinking life was simple. A nice bed time story no longer makes the "monsters" go away. A chocolate bar doesn't heal or fix what the years have broken. A good friend could also end up being a GREAT enemy. Happiness is no longer based on watching cartoons like "powerpuff girls", "peter pan", " snow white", "KND" etc

Is it part of growing up that we get sick of things easily?! Why are we so hard to please now?! Why is it the older we get the more we feel the old days were much better!?!?!

I always said I would never change no matter what experiences I go through but even ROCKS are worn out by the continuous water flow. I have changed somehow.Umm.. well, we all change in the cycle of life. I hope I did to the better. But all i just hope i never forget how to have fun and appreciate the simple things in life cause that would simply be DEPRESSING! *sigh*

I am right here!

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Been kind of busy. But well, the less I blog the more things I feel I need to blog about!

I was wondering about how carried we humans are. I mean, you know how sometimes you are in a situation and someone says or does something and you say something like " i CANT BELIEVE HE/SHE DID THAT?" or " If I was in her place I would never DO THAT?"And we tend to get a bit judgmental when we compare ourselves to others and we get carried away with our judgments not realizing that they are nothing but false accusations we base on our reference to ourselves and our experiences.

We have to realize that we are all different. Not even two people in this WHOLE world are exactly the same. We might agree more with some people, disagree with others, want to avoid a few because they GET ON YOUR NERVES! LOL, technically right!

BUT we also might find a lot in common with someone and when we do meet that person we feel is our "LONG LOST TWIN". We tend to assume they are like us in every way. When in reality they are THEM and YOU are YOU.

Not ONE person is like you in EVERY single way and knowing that we should ACCEPT that different people react differently and ACCEPT people for who they are instead of trying to turn them into YOU!

And just because someone doesn't react like you doesn't mean they are wrong. Doesn't even mean you are wrong! It just means you are different. Umm, different yet normal!

And speaking of normal. Well, what is normal ? A normal reaction? I feel that there is no such thing as "normal". The definition of normal nowadays is what is COMMON and as soon as someone decides to go against the tide or be unique or original, they are seen as abnormal or weird! Oh wait, I didn't end yet! plus being NORMAL IS OVERRATED!!! Boooo!!

I'd rather be SPECIAL, not the special that is thrown in mental hospitals though LOL

Anyway, the point is. Each person is different and expresses themselves differently. A poet could write a poem, a singer could sing a song, a painter could paint you a portrait, but just because they are talented and have the gift of expressing themselves in better ways, doesn't make their love stronger or deeper or more real!!

PS: There is no correlation to be drawn between the picture and the blog. LOL! I have just kept that one 'cause I found it good to look at. :P

Am sick

Am SICK again!! Again!?!?!

Hell! Whats wrong with me?

I curse myself for this. It is really a terrible thing to fall sick, especially during vacations!

I would really appreciate a new body right now. A new nose and throat was what I thought of having once, it is better to get a whole new body once for all. Am I not gona get any discount for that? eh? This one has been worn out! Seriously! I cant hold myself sniffing and sneezing, rolling up my tongue to scratch my sorey throat and palate. Ouch! my aching soul, the feverish chills!! (And, why am I typing so many exclamations today? ergh!)

The day however started well, as I went for shopping today. Oh no! not the girly shopping phuleaaseee?!? That was supposedly a footpath book shopping. LOL! confused? Anyway, I bought bunch of 3 books. Don't ask me what books, because you surely wouldn't like it. Ah! academic books! huh!

Thanks to the books I shopped today, I'm somehow trying to subside my mind. But this isn't working after all; I can't BREATH when I sit in any position and all this while I have drenched my lovely books by spraying snot all over them!

I hate it!

Oscar Wilde said, "Each man kills the thing he loves."

And it's true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the sufferings we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far.
~Paulo Coelho

I know I have been doing this all my life so far. But now, I don't want to kill the feelings I have within, 'cause I know, if I kill them, I might kill myself thereof!

feeling low

And then from time to time, one has to go through a phase of feeling low - sometimes with reason, sometimes for no reason - it just hits you for timepass because “Hey! You’ve had such a long, blemish-less phase of feeling high! Guys let’s get her!”

‘Cut-to’ moments when you find yourself sitting with your chin resting on your palm, or sitting on the sofa, absentmindedly staring at the formations on the mosaic floor, looking at nothing, feeling nothing in particular.

And in that phase, you find yourself become a passenger of the bus, rather than the driver of this bus called 'life'. From cutting through a day, embracing and grabbing and tackling and devouring and making an experience of each thing that makes up your routine day, you imperceptibly transform into one that goes through the motions of the same routines. Much like how a coin might feel in a slot machine. Or a drop of water that gets jostled and knocked over the edge of some water fall. The feel sometimes render me to quit everything and disappear from this world.

You go through an entire week or even months on end feeling low but not knowing why. Sometimes not really sure if you actually are feeling low. Not really sure if you are not. Just a state of daze and drifting.

Today I'm feeling very low for no profound reason. Most times when it is indeed a decidedly low phase like today's, I have never found the reason, the why, but I think I know why in a lateral sort of perspective.

You can never appreciate the importance of 'someone', unless his/ her absence is felt and understood. You may never know what a great professor you had yesterday if you did not have a lousy professor today. You may never apprehend the good times until and unless you go through the bad ones. You may never appreciate the food on the table unless you have felt the weakness caused by hunger at some phase of your life. And you may never appreciate your wealth-or the pay cheque you get today-if that hunger was caused because you could not buy food to eat!

We need a reference point. Every low phase is preparing you for a higher experience of happiness. A higher state of being. An ability to cherish and find more joy.

Ah! but that is all fine. I know am talking too much today! I might be sounding like a saint! LOL! But these feelings are crapping my head and as usual my fingers seem unstoppable- they have gone and taken me quite off course. Help me get out of it!! Someone pleaseeee!

Those are the usual things that strike all of us living this so called 'life'-work, friction with those that you love and subsequent heart-burn, the responsibilities that you have that you are not happy about the way you are shouldering them…you know the rest.

I guess, its time to wrap this up, 'cause at one point of time I don't seeming to understand why I am writing this and what I am thinking of... My heart seems to miss someone badly, mind- surrendered wholesomely in front of heart. Understood? I know, it makes no sense to you but means a lot to me!

Dreaming of you....

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I'd wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you(Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you
Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said, "I love you; I love you too"

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly...

PS: lovely song

Just wondering....

I guess I am the first one to admit that I think about the strangest things. I know this already. I know that I am strange. I've accepted it, even. I embrace it.

I obsess about imaginary scenarios that may never happen outside of my head, but that can take over my life regardless. I don't know what this is. It seems that to describe it as an overactive imagination would be a bit of an understatement, but we can go with that, I suppose.

Anyway.

The thing is.

I am absolutely terrified from sneezing while driving. No, not terrified of the fact that I might die. Just concerned about others. LOL

Think about it. A sneez is involuntary - you can't stop it from occurring. And at the same time, closing your eyes when you sneeze is involuntary as well - it's an immediate reflex. Try negating that. Next time you feel a sneeze coming, try and keep your eyes open while you're atchoo-ing. Impossible. Absolutely impossible. Kind of like licking your elbow. Also impossible.

Which means, that whenever I feel a sneeze coming on while I'm behind the steering wheel, I already know that my eyes will be shut for a split second while I spray snot all over the immediate vicinity. Which means, in that split second, anything - yes, anything - can happen.

Which absolutely, completely, utterly terrifies me. :P
AND I CANNOT SEEM TO STOP SNEEZING.

My allergies have succeed in incapacitating me COMPLETELY. All I can manage to do is sneeze and sniff. And sniff and sneeze. And so on. It's a vicious cycle. I alone will be solely responsible for ensuring tissue boxes become extinct in my locality. Just wait and see.

And when I'm driving and aware of the fact that I will be sneezing any second now because there's a tickling sensation in my nose and because my eyes are all tearing up, not only do I have to deal with finding a tissue as quickly as possible so that my boogers don't get to cover everything in sight, but I also have to deal with this most irrational of fears - almost paralyzing, it's so intense - that this might be my last sneeze ever.

What way is this to live, I ask you?

WHAT THE HELL!?!??!?! My only consolation, however, is that my eyes wont pop out when I sneeze.

In other news, I want a new nose please...

atCHOOOO!

Am SICK.

Soooo sick.

To the extent that I would really appreciate a new nose right now. This one has been worn out. And while we're at it, I'd like to replace my throat. And get new eyes - these ones hurt. Also, whoever is BANGING inside my head, kindly STOP.

It's a damn day. I looked so ugly when I saw myself in the mirror this morning. One of my cheek got swollen due to unknown reason, eyes- as big as balloons, nose- a smashed tomato!

This is highly unacceptable.

atCHOOOOOO. Sleeping isn't working ; I can't BREATH when I lie down. And studying is certainly not going right for tomorrows paper :(

Traitor nose! Someone please lend me a nice nose :P

Miss you note

Being apart from you isn't easy...
I find myself missing you so often,in so many ways...
but even though we can't be together right now...
Gentle thoughts of you fill my days and dreams of you fill my nights...
No matter what I'm doing,
I know it would be so much nice if I could be sharing it with you...
I keep imagining things you'd say if you were with me now,
or the way you would laugh if something funny happened,
and next thing I know,
I'm daydreaming about all the things we'll do when we're together again...
Although the miles come between us now,
I still feel so close to you,
and I just keep hoping the days will fly by because I want you beside me

to talk to,
to hold,
to love.
to keep from the hurts
and pains……..

feelings

Tales of mere existence

I came across with this site recently. And it is so truly apt! Everything represented in a comical way make an intact sense about our lives on this plant 'Earth'
Here's one comical strip

Sometimes in life, you find a special person
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it...

Biochemist's gift in microbe style!

If you’re looking for an unusual, sickly yet cuddly gift for your loved one, try these out...

Cough (Bordetella pertussis)
Coughs aren't just for smokers anymore -- now anybody can get one!







Brain Cell (Neuron)
The more brain cells you have, the smarter you are.









Fat Cell (Adipocyte)
With our little personal trainer around, you'll always be watching your weight.








Herpes (Herpes Simplex Virus 2)
Breaking out is hard to do. Learn the facts.








Malaria (Plasmodium falciparum)
The tropics have coconuts, soft beaches, clear water, shiny fish, colorful birds, steel drums, umbrella drinks. And Malaria. All that you imagined. haha






Rabies (Rabies Virus)
Your pets will be foaming at the mouth to get one of our Rabies dolls.








Mange (Sarcoptes scabei)
Who you calling mangy? I'm just along for the ride! Find out more.






Heartworm (Dirofilaria immitis)
A bad relationship can break your pets' heart. But they'll love this little worm!






Salmonella (Salmonella typhimurium)
Which came first: the chicken, or the egg -- or the Salmonella bacteria?





The Plague - black death (Yersinia pestis)
Improved hygiene and readily available antibiotics keep this bad boy at bay. But what a history.






Mad Cow Disease(Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy)
When bovine prions stampede the wrong way, everyone says Moo!