save me from myself..........

I wish you were here

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

What happened to the ummah
Once known so well...

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

What happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell
Used to inspire others with our way of thinking and speech
People came from afar just to hear us teach
Yo what happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell
Mosques are empty, refrigerators are stocked
We lost our deen we feel secure
'Cause our mansions are locked
In my teen years Sallah wasn't really that tight
Now I gotta pray each one of them twice
What happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell
Brother we prefer light skinned women
While righteously maintaining our deen against racism
What happened to the ummah
Once known so well
Greatness was known
But now can u tell

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

What happened to the ummah once known so well
Greatness was known, but now can u tell
Kids in Africa are starving - can't afford to cry
I'll pay THE BANK interest for a car I can't afford to buy
What happened to the ummah once known so well
Greatness was known, but now can u tell?
We used to smile at each other, with faces full of light
Now we frown at each other, we bicker and we fight
Pops in the mosque praying, kids in the streets hating
Kids on the corner selling, pops in the mosque preachin'
What happened to the ummah once known so well
Greatness was known but now can u tell?
The Quran has left out hearts stranded, hanging on out walls
6232verses, so strong
9 out of 10 of us can't even read or write
1924 feels distant like way before Christ

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you

Que le pasó a la maza
Como puede ser
La grandeza conocida
No la puedo ver
He visto como mi figura cae en tentación
A pesar de que la vida a sido buena con luz e ilusion
He pedido perdón por mis pecados
Tengo la cruz sobre mi cama y el diablo a mi lado
Que le pasó a la maza
Como puede ser
La belleza conocida
No la puedo ver
He sentido incompetencia buscando la verdad
Todos dicen conocerla solo veo la maldad
Que le pasó a la maza
Como puede ser
La pureza conocida
No la puedo ver

[Translation:]
What happened to the people
How can it be
Greatness was known
But now can you tell
I've watched myself fall from grace
Even though life has been good, filled with hopes and dreams
I've asked forgiveness for my sins
I have the cross above my bed and the devil by my side
What happened to the people
How can it be
Beauty was known
But now can you tell

If I was to fall on my knees and ask you to forgive everything for the Lord, out of Love, for the One,
oh oh oh... I've seen
And if u were to fall on ya knees and ask me the same
Brother, don't even think about it, lets just break out of the darkness of ignorance

I wish you were here
Here next to me
Been missing you so
So desperately
But lately I feel
Like you feel and
I see what you see
How I'm missing you ...

This is how I feel thesedays....

I feel damn sad for so many reasons...

So many reasons to cry...
So many reasons to be angry at this damn world, damn customs and stereotypical norms
And even at myself...

Sigh

Okay, I think I should better go and watch some movie or hit the sac

This isn't always, but sometimes SOMETIMES sOMeTimEs I really wish I were an anonymous blogger

sigh!

equation

if you divide
what you see
by what you think you see
what is left
is a piece
of what you wished
you saw.
hope is thus
our most beautiful
mistake.

silence

the forgotten detail

of the giving up
is silence.
nothing claims its existence
not even
life.

Who are we in this complicated world?

if we come to sleep
we are His drowsy ones.

and if we come to wake
we are in His hands.

if we come to weeping,
we are His cloud full of raindrops.

and if we come to laughing,
we are His lightning in that moment.

if we come to anger and battle,
it is the reflection of His wrath.

and if we come to peace and pardon,
it is the reflection of His love.

Who are we in this complicated world?

-Rumi

tired

deadened cry....

I feel like I could crack open, like an egg, or something- like a ergh!
Damn! I have never been so restless anytime before

And today, my restless meter is out of range. Don't look at me like that. Honestly, I don't have any genuine reason for this.

To make it more comprehensive, it is one of those days when you just feel like you want to BREAK LOOSE!

How many days have I lost? How can I get back to the place where I started? I'm outside a house, trying to find my way in. But it is locked and the blinds are down, and I've lost the key, and I can't remember what the rooms look like or where I put anything. And if I dare go in inside, I wonder...will I ever be able to find my way out?

And when I'm trying to study...
Sometimes in my head I think I should and when I want to get done with it, then... a second voice speaks up and proves me crazy. I wonder if I go crazy. Rather, I'm already. A wise man said- a very good sign that you're crazy is an inability to ask the question, "Am I crazy?" If the answer is YES, it means that you are not. But this craze-headed one is crazy and she even questions.

I have been trying harder to get a nice sleep since more than a week now, but seemed to be far away commodity for my trunk. Yesterday, all the night long I was up, trying to... It was like... connecting the dots. I have been trying to connect the dots of the steps ahead....Some nights I could connect three or four of them, and some nights they'd be really far apart. I'd have no idea how to get to the next one, if there was the next one. It just seems really stitched together and lumpy.

change...hmmmm...?

The reason I keep changing my blog theme is nothing but a compensation for a hidden feeling of deficiency, it turned out to be.
The destructive feeling of being incapable of controlling my own life, and making some changes finds a way out in enjoying the simple delights of changing minor things like hair cut, clothes and of course changing the blog’s theme and colors that proved to be the best option for being the easiest and the least costly of all.

I cannot change my past, and I feel helpless about the present, have no idea about the future... whether the next step that I’m going to take will do some change? If the track I’m going to walk will be the right one for me...? or as usual it will turn out to be the wrong one. I hope not. The light of hope within me hasn’t faded yet despite the many storms that went by.
Speaking of hope, I once read that hope is nothing but a synonym of “deceit”. The more we hope, the more we deceive and disillusion ourselves. I read that at a time when I needed so much hope and I felt like a thirsty person who has just been robbed the last and the only drop of water he was counting on to stay alive.