Shaping oneself...

All what we go through throughout our lives affect us in a way or another and form the shape of our personalities and characters.

Our nature which is said to be governed by our genes (innate inherited qualities) is affected by our nurture (parents, friends, environment, experiences- which goes way back to our childhood and the way we were/ are being raised up). Few months back I saw a debate on nature versus nurture on Discovery show case. When interviewed a famous psychologist, Donald Hebb, "which, nature or nurture, contributes more to personality?" to which he responded, "which contributes more to the area of a rectangle, its length or its width?". It is clear that nurturing plays a great deal in being what we are. It is regarded as environmental (not genetic) factor in the contemporary nature versus nurture debate.

Our personalities, however, are primarily shaped in our childhood years. This stage creates the core of our personalities and determines the shape they will take. That's why most personality disorders are usually traced to childhood. A person of unhappy childhood is more likely to develop a character suffering from certain psychological and emotional disorders. The bad experiences and feelings he had as a child keep haunting him all his life, affecting negatively his personal life, career, and relationships. They lie there...hmm... in the very deep unconsciousness... somewhere in the trash heap of memory... but they can't be deleted.. can't be undone.

No matter how hard one tries to sweep them away, they always come back.. they pop into his life at the very critical moments.. unexpectedly... taking advantage of his weakness.. of his being fragile... in an attempt to destroy him.. completely...

An unhappy memory is an enemy with which we are doomed to fight everlastingly.
No matter how old one gets, it still has the ability to overcome him.. to control him once he gives up and stops fighting it.. once he surrenders and let it ruin his spirit little by little and throw him in the abyss of misery and despair.
Bad childhood memories can eat you alive!